I'm really behind right now, on a lot of things.
But the important things are going well. By that I mean, I've been thinking about who I am, and whether I like who I am, more honestly and more period than I have in quite some time. Introspection of oneself: uncomfortable, but also reassuring. It's a sign of self-awareness, openness to dependency on God. Openness to change, admitting shortcomings, accepting how God made me and the times He made me to live through. I marvel at the fun He has allowed me in my life. I know, doesn't the wording of that sound weird, and almost horrible? It insinuates that I am surprised that God has fun in store for me. Well, I think the better interpretation is not that, because I'd like to think I am beyond that stage of my "Christian development" (the ring of that phrase is odd as well). Rather, I am just simply surprised by God: surprised by the degree, depth, and type of joy that He has allowed me. I love how He loves me. It is really something to reflect upon. Why would I want to go any other way but His way?
Some areas I'd like to grow in:
*Being less stingy with my money when generosity is appropriate and the most just or loving thing to do in a circumstance;
*Becoming a better communicator, especially in making family members feel valued by me as is absolutely fitting;
*Finding my way back to the sense of fulfillment and purpose I had when I was a teacher in Jackson, and/or the openness to find contentment in a new sense of fulfillment and purpose in other education roles (I cringe even imagining not being in a classroom somehow, someway); or, in other words, appreciating and seeing with new eyes the new and wonderful things God is doing right in front of me, right now!;
* Keeping on with exploring what God is leading me to rest in or act upon, doing the former in peace and the latter in courage--or, wait, with peace and courage in both! (Wow! I'd never considered that. I just had a Mrs. Fleet moment--what my 11th grade English teacher taught us was the sign of successful writing: that you discover something you didn't know in the very course of writing it.)
*Insisting on more alone time every day. (Although all this social and "together" and talking time right now is just what I need, after a whole academic year of a lot of alone time.)
I leave this blog post with a brimming sense of possibility, but also a sense of incompleteness. This piece of writing and reflection is being cut short. Is writing on the run OK? To leave the page and my writer's appetite in the lurch? It'll have to be. Some is better than none, right?
