Tampico or Tropicana?

I will be turning 27 years old this year. That makes me feel anxious. I don't feel like I am behind on anything. I am a little surprised about how some of the things in my life have turned out. So I guess the anxiety comes from things I regard as surprises. How many more surprises, Lord? I know that through all trials You are teaching me of your unsurpassable love, and you're opening my life more and more to Your Good News and Your work. But as I said to my friend C. on our car ride to kickboxing last week, I wonder if or how I'll have the heart resources to respond to changes and surprises like this.

In my 27th year (ok, I'm jumping the gun a bit here, as I still have a half a year to go! Phew), I hope that I can trust God more with where He is taking me. I do trust Him a lot in some areas, but less in others. There's that old annoying thought process in me that perceives my dreams and His plans as sometimes at odds. But when those are at odds, He has proven that He brings something better than my expected or hoped-for outcome. He provides a puzzle piece that fits, unlike the piece that I was trying ever so earnestly to force-fit into my so-called, self-envisioned "masterpiece." It has always proven to be the case that the gift of the next season, the next year, the next major life transition, the next move, ushers in blessings never imagined before by the senses. Those prior senses were trained only to comprehend the prior season; they become unfit and even obsolete to comprehend what lies ahead. My prior ways of hoping and thinking become like Tampico compared to Tropicana.

In my 27th year, I want to reclaim the feeling of being special and loved, protected, fearless, and free. I am some of these things now, but added years have introduced some hindrances to these. How do I become ever more free, releasing weights, worries, sources of weariness? To get there, I'm convinced writing will make me free (didn't I tell that very quote to my students, channeling Sandra Cisneros?). So starting today, I will write more often. I will resuscitate this beloved blog, which has seen me through some pretty life-changing moments and has allowed me to chronicle God's close attendance in a variety of seasons.