God's commandments are easy, so long as they're abstract. As soon as specifics factor in, they're impossible.*
I have serious problems loving the way Jesus wants me to. As soon as I make someone out to be harmful in my mind -- as someone who doesn't care about me or wants to take my joy away -- I am as unforgiving to him/her in my mind as pound cake is to a sweets addict's body. I basically stop thinking in the light and enter into complete darkness, where every turn of the road leads to more negative thinking. (Luke 11:33-36)
Jesus wants me not to "like" my neighbor, but to love him/her. He wants me to see my neighbor as a piece of the reflection of God's image (because that's what s/he is, just like me). Also, He wants me to serve him/her -- not just tolerate him/her, not speak badly of him/her, or pretend I love him/her (Hertz 2007). Remember how Jesus treated his betrayers? He washed their feet.
Why service works to transcend ugly feelings and negative thoughts: it allows you to beat out mushy feelings, which are equally bad in terms of loving and not loving someone. It FREES you from enslaving feelings. When it comes to learning to love in general, action counts more than words or intentions or wishes. (Do you hear DC Talk in the distant background? "I said love -- love is a verb!")
So there I am. I can see where I stand now in my spiritual-relational terrain: caught up in wishes and intentions, but without service, no real heart change. As Hertz puts it: First pray for the neighbor, then continually look out for a way to help him/her. At that point, "it's very hard to think they're worthless. It's very hard to stay mad at them."
So here's my prayer today: That I serve, and really be free from the negative, self-pitying, never-ending dark path that is my alternative. God's really protecting me when He commands me to love my neighbor. He's leading me in a better direction, to a place where I won't become a Mara (embittered).
* which is why we need Jesus.
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