Decision Making

A Bible verse I read recently got me thinking about choices and how they are related to asking God what to do about a situation. In the book of Joshua, there's a part about how a tribe was intimidated by the nation of Israel, so they decided to deceive the Israelite's leader by saying they were from far away and wanted a peace treaty, when in fact they were a neighboring country. The Israelites figured out they had been fooled too late, after they made the vow of peace with them. Here's the verse (Joshua 9:14): "So the Israelites examined their food but they did not consult the LORD." Basically they rushed into a vow without basing it on any "evidence" other than what they saw with their own eyes. Interesting, huh? And very convicting for me. I think I do this all the time: proceed in haste, purposely bypassing asking God about it because I am afraid He will direct me otherwise, or because it's just a painful and sometimes confusing process to consider alternatives. On the other hand, I am also reading a short book right now that argues that "waiting" on God to show you His will to make any decisions in your life is no good, either, because a lot of the decisions we make in life are non-ethical decisions -- i.e., should I take job A or job B. 


Thus, seeking God's will becomes less of a frightening waiting game in which I fear His thunderous proclamation of "NO YOU CAN'T, DAUGHTER," and becomes rather more of a task that requires time, as I analyze how a given situation makes me either more or less likely to follow God, be willing to obey what He has already written to us in His Word, or whether it hinders my ability to glorify Him by causing me to sin. What I really really love to discover is when that particular situation under scrutiny is an avenue by which I discover who I am, have a new-found sense of how God created me and is creating my life's story, and sense anew my great need for God's grace.

Oral History

As part of the alternate route to teaching program I did from 2008-2011, I was interviewed about my experience in the Mississippi Teacher Corps, about moving to and living in the South, and about my experience in the teaching profession. You can read or listen to my interview here:

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/19668120/Mississippi_Teacher_Corps_Oral_History_Website/Oral_Histories/Entries/2012/3/7_Ms._Jennifer_Nelson.html

Continual Study

A while ago I wrote about the first Bible verse I ever (recall having) memorized -- Joshua 1:9, about being strong and courageous and God being with you wherever you go. Here's an interesting pretext for that. The Lord told Joshua,

"Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do." (Joshua 1:8)


Increasingly I find myself wanting to fill my mind with God['s instructions, because the things I have to say about my situation, my reflections, etc., either aren't comforting, or just simply aren't enough to feel filed. So I come to God's instructions continually to fill that hole. The command to meditate on it constantly, day and night, in this light (ha! pun!), is actually no drag at all; it's a relief from otherwise disconcerting, dead-ending, anxiety-ridden, circular thought processes, those thoughts that rise up to the surface through sleep and that I wake up with, or the thoughts that seep in when I am trying to read for class. This verse also illuminates what prosperity truly is. This is no guarantee for riches if you do this or that (painting God as some kind of formulaic vending machine god). Rather, I think God is redefining success and prosperity here. It kind of goes with the proverbial "wisdom is better than rubies" argument.

Carried & Loved

Deuteronomy 33:12

 “Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him,
   for he shields him all day long,
   and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”


Where do I rest most secure? It is probably in the company of my dearest friends, in ones who don't make me feel crazy or off my path, who don't take my words lightly or dismissively, who I can confide my deepest fears in. Wait....that's what the LORD can do for me, too. He won't make me feel like I'm unacceptable, like what I say needs no response or or cannot be understood, and best of all, I can confide in him. And this Confidant who I used to see as my Father and Provider, primarily, is around all day long. 


I've been having spurts of momentary bliss since the beginning of 2012. And I relish the pleasure of feeling cradled in God's safe arms, under His tender watch and care. But my feelings are all too punctuated and brief. I need rather to realize God is my shield and refuge, too -- not just a momentary friend I call up because I am in town. 


My favorite part is the last part. God places me between His shoulders, so I can rest while He carries me, like a dad giving a piggy back. There's really no more picturesque thing I can call to my imagination: to be the one carried and loved. 

I know, I can tell.

From the movie SherryBaby:

Sherry (sister): You love me.
Ryan (brother): Yes, I do love you.
Sherry: I know, I can tell.

How very true this is. Although loving others is hard work, it is always easy to tell it is being done. It's easy to tell when someone is trustworthy. It is easy to tell when they're on your side, an advocate for your growth and care and nurturance and good. It's easy to sense that someone relies on you too, so it's not a one-sided relationship; the joy of giving to them is essential for you to feel loved, too. ALong those lines, you can tell someone loves you when they receive what you offer them as a precious gift. They value your role in their life.

You can tell someone loves you by the way they ask questions about your day, or when they follow up on something you said a long way back. You know someone loves you when their gifts toward you show generosity, forethought, time given, or some combination of these. You know someone loves you when their concern for your good cannot be trumped by any other compromising force -- be it other peoples' views and influences, the distracting and oftentimes divergent demands of life (goes the seed in the soil parable ring a bell?), or the mistakes you've each made towards each other.

I love that you can tell when someone loves you. It's one of life's biggest reliefs.

Being Gentle

This is a fruit of the Spirit that I'd like to grow more of.

Consider (spotted in a writer's email signature): "Be gentle with each person you meet, for each of them is fighting a great battle." -- Philo of Alexandria 20 BC- 50 BC

Library Books, and other unrelated topics

It's almost Spring Break... and that means, pleasure reading!! Here's what's on tap: The Hunger Games, The Crying Game, and East of Eden. One of these I will knock out via audiobook while driving. The other two, in the hours of ease and rest which will doubtless evaporate before my very eyes. I already have lofty goals for thesis work (data analysis) and classwork (Sociology of Sex&Gender presentation preparation; Theory papers) I will accomplish over the weekdays. I already have a gameplan (appropriate in light of all my game-y reading fodder) in place: go to Willie Morris library between 8-5, daily, while my best friend is working. And, another goal of spring break is car repairs! I just hope my car can make it to Jackson without any tire blowouts or belts snapping.

I can't wait! I only have to get through this statistics exam before break dawns! This past weekend was an unbeatable prelude to break. T and I did almost every imaginable thing we could have dreamt up: he reunited with two college friends; I got to introduce him to numerous people in/approx. in my cohort; we played racquetball; I drank bubble tea; we went to ASF for church (very, very good sermon); we saw his cousins three times. Wow, what a weekend! None really comes close in comparison since I started here at Emory except our Pensacola weekend with M. I miss her!