Teeth

OK, so I should be writing a paper on educational theory right now, so I will be brief and get right back to it.

I was thinking, wow, teeth and their care are unbelievably expensive. Feel me on this: My student dental plan cost $327, with a $50 initial deductible. This covers up to $750 of dental work for the CALENDAR YEAR. I have two teeth needing root canals, which at reasonable prices is $675 a piece. Crowns are $900 a piece. A root canal covered by my insurance is $135, and a crown is $450. OK, I can handle this, I thought, as I whipped my calculator out.

Uhh...not so fast. That $750 limit means about 1 and one quarter root canals will be covered, and that is IT. So this is what my dad meant when he said it was more fun to be a kid.

Then I got to thinking, how on earth do the poor care for their teeth? If I as a financially solvent (usually), educated, upwardly mobile, white woman am seeing all my savings go to my teeth, then how will the person who is on the margins (in other words, a lot of traits that I am not) handle such expenses? Dental health is no small issue in relation to mortality, either. This is a major public health issue; maybe I should research it instead of distant communities for my religion and public health class.

Finally, my thoughts on this subject are, stop calculating numbers, Jennifer; God has provided for you and will continue to do so. So I asked God to help me stop thinking about it, figuring numbers as if I was back in the 9th grade, desperately trying to figure the lowest grade I could score on my algebra II final exam in order to scrape by with an A (90.1). With God, I've never barely scraped by.

Teeth...who knew, such a thought, blood pressure, and spirit provoking topic? I see dentists as suddenly interesting.

Peace ≠ Boredom

I admit, I agree with my friend C's hesitancy to be excited about peace. Here's something to change that thinking. The result will be either excitement, or deep thinking, or both.

Isaiah 26:3: You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.

This doesn't mean a stable mind with no complexity. Rather, an imperfect mind can still attain a deep sense of safety, completeness, wholeness, friendliness, healthiness and soundness, which all serve to present one's inner being (mind) as being in a satisfied condition, a condition of well being. Here's the best part: a peaceful mind indicates "a prosperous relationship between two or more parties" (taken from Beth Moore).

This is ripe for application between you and God and between you and the people you love most. Learning the Hebrew synonyms for "peace" shows me just how much I am not, at times, really, truly honest in my most important relationships. A truly healthy, prosperous relationship is one where a completeness and wholeness is achieved, or realized. This requires a full giving of self, no pretending. What peace is there in pretending?

I'd also like to add that a sense of security no matter what happens or what's said is an indication of true or real love. Stability in the midst of chaos: is this not what Jesus has given us on the cross? Where our sin drowned(s) us in confusion and emotional deadweight, his salvation gave(gives) us bounancy. That is, stability. How else would we be able to do great things in this life, if always fighting a pending sense of doom?

Dynamism

I figured out what makes me really like particular TV series: the main characters are both lovable and hatable. It's really gratifying to me to be brought through the writer's plan of characters' development, especially when a specific character goes from being one I hate to one I see through a more empathetic lens. It's like a drama is helping to break up the rigidity and hatefulness and judgment in my inner places. Now, if only I can apply the exact same progress in my real life! Break up my judgments and put empathy in their place! That's right- evict judgmentalism! Through the enjoyment of a 43-minute TV show! OK, maybe that's a little far-fetched.

Shows where this has been the case have extremely multi-faceted (in literature, we call these dynamic [changing] and round [unpredictable, many-sided]) main characters. In One Tree Hill, those characters are Brook and Dan. Oh, the psychology of that dad! In Mad Men, it's Don and Betty. Both go through exceedingly ugly phases in their marriage, and show glimmers of hope towards breaking unhealthy behaviors or seeing through a window of self-awareness for the first time. In Friday Night Lights, it's Lyla. She seems emotionally bankrupt, but actually, she's got plenty of depth in her heart matters and how and why she chooses  to handle situations as she does. Plus, she's gone through feeling guilty, so I think that reduces her judgmentalism.

I miss my students.

I am relishing, and I mean absolutely relishing, being on the lacrosse team here. I love being around undergrad girls. I am only 3-4 years older than most of them, but they give me a joy and energy and feeling of youth that makes me really happy. Practice today left me exhausted. I thought I was in shape; 15 minutes of scrimmaging caused me to think again!

I am looking to join a women's Bible study with people outside of Emory. That should be refreshing and encouraging. More on that when it comes.

BUT. I am missing my students, a LOT. How can I get them (obviously, the Atlanta versions of them) back into my life....and soon? My church is no longer multi-racial. I do not work in a (basically) all-black school anymore. I don't see and work alongside black colleagues and adults anymore. I feel like there's a hole in who I was while I was in the teacher corps. I need these teens back in my life! But how?

"Layers, my dear, layers."

I love this comment, my best friend's interpretation of the complex and contradictory inner workings of a person. Discovering the struggles and conflicts within when faced with an uncomfortable new arrangement of living is definitely worthwhile, so long as there is a friend there to ease the discovery of self, which can sometimes be a blow! I think Jesus would agree with this, very much, for in the course of life, we are destined to unveil our imperfections and flaws continuously -- just as we unveil our strengths and victories in a continuous, ongoing manner -- and it is love that enables us to keep growing and not be stunted by the difficulty of layers.

I miss you.

Here's how I know I love you:

1. You're the first one I want to tell good news to.
2. Your laughter is my favorite sound. It feels like an embrace. You invite people into your love with your laugh.
3. You are the one I want by my side through every season of life.
4. No day is dark when you are with me.
5. You are the desired recipient of all my creative energies.
6. I can be, and have to be, honest with you. I can't let anything get in the way. No clouds allowed!
7. Time passes so slowly in your absence. (Maybe this is merely evidence that I long for you.)

Here's how I know you love me:

1. You don't hold my weaknesses against me.
2. You are patient with me.
3. You want me around. You want to know what I think, why I think it.
4. You encourage me. Nurture me. Soothe me.
5. You share with me: stuff, food, loved ones, thoughts, feelings.

Strength

Cesar Chavez once said, "You are never strong enough that you don't need help."

My mom-figure sent me a postcard two weeks ago that said, "thinking about what a strong woman you are." Which made me feel so good about myself until I read the next part, buried under the postage barcode marks: " ... strong Swedish stock!" Well, not that that's anything to be ashamed of, but I was hoping she meant my character was strong, as opposed to by body.

I do think I am pretty strong, but that strength isn't due to myself. Rather, I've simply seen God be strong in me, especially at certain times. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I simply have no other source.

As I am living in a season of missing the ones I love, one most of all, I am not blind to the new love and zest for life that He is putting in my path even now. Even though I am away from home, I am coming to regard this new place, the cite of my new productivity and growth, a new kind of home- a home that will incubate me and develop that same strength, the kind of strength that glows reassuringly under the surface. It's not bold (at least I can't see it that way right now, anyway), but it is persistent and sure. This strength I find in God will not fade. I can always use His help, even on the day when it seems everything has been provided for me.

In the week ahead, may that strength well up and be visible and winsome...