My Word of the Year

As I am writing this, so are my students. I considered it yesterday while students wrote, and they inquired of me afterwards as to what my word was. Yesterday I was reluctant to return to work, to give up the freedom and fun of break and return to this job's demands and routine. But God totally surprised me by making it a great day. He lifted my heavy spirits. I was giddy again in class, and am so happy that I could do something simple with my honors class. I sat on my new barstool and just discussed the book with them (As I Lay Dying). I would daresay it was a complete success; students really benefitted from a direct conversatoin on the book, which I'd been skirting for too long in term 2, and I was refreshed by their great insights and the fact that now I don't have to feel bad about doing an insufficient job teaching them.

Now: back to my word of the year. The word to first come to my mind was passionate. My student followed up and asked, "what do you mean?" I said, "I want to be more passionate in my job." She replied, "If you do that, you just might kill us." The class erupted with laughter, and my heart exploded with joy. Those were the very words I longed to hear. More than once I've felt like a slacker with my students, not giving my preps 100%. I resolve to change that this term; so far, so good. No more partial reading, rushed, last-minute reading, or not re-reading to remind me from having read the books alongside the students. Books aren't something you download permenantly in your mind, or that you can enjoy only once. I think this job has taught me that, as much as I gripe about not being stimulated in teaching the same material and content the third time around.

Passionate. I cling to this word because I don't want this aspect of me to fade away, ever. I fear becoming an adult who is too overwhelmed with life to give her job the energy it requires, or to develop her talents through her days' work. I am entertaining other words right now too, like freedom. Yes, I'd love for 2011 to be my year of freedom. Of letting go, of stopping my incessant worrying that I am not being a genuine disciple of Jesus Christ, of relaxing and letting someone love me, of feeling free with time alone so that I can know that God is enough (rather than lonely and using others' company for an escape from fear of loneliness), of finding incredible security in the sufficiency of Christ, and giddiness in the choices He allows us within His will. I want to be free to seek Him out and listen closely, and feel free and at peace that He is molding and shaping me so that I listen well and am confident that He is enabling me to listen and conform to His word.