What are you choosing to let go of this year so you can begin fresh in the New Year? Excessive anxiety. In 2011, when I moved to Atlanta, I worried way too much. Not really about academic things, just churning scenario after scenario over in my head, penalizing myself for not handling the move well socially, etc. I am letting go of using time alone to assuage my pangs of loneliness! Already in one week back in Atlanta this semester, I have sunk my teeth in deeper than (I dare say) all of last semester! I am visible in my new church. I relish time spent there. I have other grad students over to my apartment once per week. I went to a cocktail event at the Natural History Museum for grad students last weekend, and went home feeling swanky and sophisticated, and even full (satisfied)! So I am starting to love where I am. Location no longer gets me down. I am leaving my anxiety behind of loved things lost in my move. I am leaving behind the pity parties I sometimes threw for myself, where I was the only one invited. No more! Being with others and being able to know "at least I tried" (an approach to life which rarely ends up in defeat, I've learned -- thank you Ann Brashares and "Sisterhood Everlasting") is empowering! Keeping to yourself doesn't allow for any new light to shine in on the parade.
What are you most looking forward to in 2012? Submitting my teacher interview project for publication!! And for the Sociology of Education Conference which will be held in CA next February!!
What do you want more of in 2012? Loving moments between T and I. More gentle, loving words towards him. More building him up. More spiritual discussions together. More opportunities to serve and to exhibit love creatively. More adventures/trips together. More love for "community development," as C. at my church calls it, and for this place where I study and now live.
What do you want less of in 2012? Expectations for others that leave me feeling dissatisfied. My life is full just the way it is; I don't need to require anyone to do anything in order for me to be happy. I also want less expectations in general; that's a counterfeit love that acts as conditional as a youngest child acts entitled. I want less scorekeeping in the way I love others, less calculating to maximize my own happiness. That sounds gross, but it's accurate. I want less cautious love and more Mary-inspired, lavish and extravagant love that doesn't count costs and perceptions of rationality. For God-inspired causes, of course-- not just frivolously spent on some desire of just my own.
What new learning goals do you have for yourself in the year ahead? Hmm, great question. I want to learn more advanced writing techniques, esp. for my profession. I want to learn how to find my stability in Jesus more than I have in the year prior -- that means, not to be easily affected by circumstances and conjuring up overly sensitive misinterpretations of others' intentions towards me. I want to be like a wise 40-year old woman: still spunky and beautiful, but slightly worn and experienced, thus emerging as a seasoned woman, able to impart wisdom wihtout a diatribe or lecture, but just by loving others naturally. I know God can teach me these things, for He alone knows where to find wisdom and can direct me there. And I know He will do so gently and effectively.
What other goals are important to you right now? Maintaining relationship with Thomas; feeding and nurturing my friendships (old and new) with sisters in Christ; grafting myself into ATL to belong here and serve here; paying off debt (credit card, dental, and car maintenance).
What structures, plans, or supports will you put in place to make them happen and keep you 'on your game'? Well, as far as debt goes, I need to force myself to pay it off in chunks. I get frustrated when I put my transfer payments off and let food and incidentals eat up the money in my account. If I get an internship I applied for this summer, that stipend will help enormously to pay it off. Do I need to budget all the numbers out, I wonder? I never have in the past. Ugh, seems like an arduous task. Relationship- supports include keeping S in our lives and doing the assignments and keeping communication primary and open. Friendships- set regular time aside for their nurturance; ie. Bible study once a week, or study buddies (which I will do with thesis writing with D next door this semester!!). Grafting myself in here and serving- just show up continually to everything I can at E. Church.
How will you have fun this year? I will spend spring break with my favorite person. We will take a road trip somewhere not-far, but still a mini-vacation. We will have pancake breakfasts, coffee, enjoy movies. We will wake up to watch a sunrise. I will also have fun this year by being sure I see certain college friends: C, now in China; A, now in Philly. I think it is about time that I put a fund aside explicitly dedicated to visiting them. We always have fun together. I feel fully accepted around them. Also to have fun this year, I will try to see my mother in FL. I wonder if I could make that happen. I am going to take every opportunity to reconnect with people I've cherished, or connect for the first time with new people, not being afraid that adding new people into my life will diminish the strength of my ties to the people I still cherish and used to get to enjoy on a daily basis. I will have fun this year by playing tennis! I will have fun this year by venturing into a new world with a summer internship, honing my educational skills and relishing the school environment. I will allow God to fill me up with joy, and I will have fun through joyful generosity in turn. (now isn't that idyllic??)
What will 'balance' look like to you this year? And how will you honor that? Two things: money and travel. In 2011, I traveled a TON. Now, I enjoyed every second of it, I really did. But I am returning to Jackson less frequently nowadays, because I think it makes me more secure to dig my feet in here, rather than re-acquaint myself with Emory every Sunday night when I return to her. I think tearing in half between cities last semester really killed me sometimes. Yes, going 'home' did recharge me, especially in the beginning. But then I started attaching all this weight to it, so I think going back less frequently will restore the carefree joy I took in my visits in the beginning. Guilt-free visits. I love feeling free! It makes all the difference in a trip, in anything in life, really. I will honor that need for balance pretty naturally, because my car can't handle it (it's acting and sounding weird/bad lately), and I cannot afford it. The second issue of balance pertains to money. I will honor my financial commitments- mainly, paying off my credit card and these root canals - through my new part time job at the middle school. That job is a Godsend! On so many levels: it fulfills me personally; it helps me make enough money to not be in constricting debt; it should help me get out of debt. Thank you God!!!!!!!! You saw what I needed, and You delivered. I also need more balance not to worry too much about the money, which again, the job enables me to do with new empowerment!
Think of an important relationship. How will you nurture the relationship this year? Well, that was a no-brainer! Thinking how to nurture us will be a fun task, too: 1) give daily reminders of my love, rather than be a stingy texter/caller; 2) give without expecting in return (the entitled, "what have you done for me lately" attitude); 3) give without fear; 4) develop my love language of quality time with him -- think of creative, special, new ways to spend time together (places to go, affordable adventures to share, a series of fun events already planned by me for a weekend he visits); 5) select and read an encouraging scripture to him in the morning; 6) stop "scorekeeping," as he calls it; 7) more backscratches; 8) verbally tell him the things he does that I appreciate; 9) cook him a truly good dinner (or at least breakfast! That I can do!); 10) remind him how much he means to me, and thank him for all he has done for me, with poems, cards, and hopefully a piece of art. And most important of all, pray for him and for us.
In what way would you like to see yourself grow? (via personal development, experience, etc.) I would like to see myself grow spiritually, to really pause my activity and anxiety and drop it all to just adore God for all He has done. Two, I want to grow as a reader: to read more often and more variety (and faster) like I used to (or maybe that's just a fanciful version of myself I believe in but that never existed!). I will do this by a smidge a day! Perhaps squeezed in in the morning hours!
2012 will be a year of ___. Productivity and Joy!
Name people you admire. List some practical ways you can use their positive influence in your life. K.C.: I can use her influence by treating my days and profs/colleagues at Emory with appreciation, and approaching them with joy and confidence. I would like to love people better in my department. C.C.: be free to create new things, be creative and not be afraid I am being wasteful, be loving in a free, open, HONEST way with new friends. C.M. Invest myself by listening deeply to a dear friend. Perhaps S.G.? M.P.? B.B. Her way of treating each person with care and respect, I want to emulate. T.P. I can use his positive influence to accept imperfections in others, in situations, and in myself, tolerating their/it/our faults not with reluctance and resentment, but with an acceptance so deep and so warm, you know God is real and it is He who is holding your fibers together moment by moment. TP has shown me forgiveness, wisdom, strength, perseverance, faith, stability, tenderness, and a new way to conduct human relationships that doesn't just center around 'how easy is this for me today?'
Who are some people who could use your encouragement in their lives this year, and how will you encourage them? One at work; two at school; four in my family. I will encourage them by coming by their sides and spending time with them. Setting up dates with them, and time to talk to them, and (budget permitting!) little gifts to brighten the sometimes-mundanity of daily existence when things get really hard.
What will 'balance' look like to you this year? And how will you honor that? Two things: money and travel. In 2011, I traveled a TON. Now, I enjoyed every second of it, I really did. But I am returning to Jackson less frequently nowadays, because I think it makes me more secure to dig my feet in here, rather than re-acquaint myself with Emory every Sunday night when I return to her. I think tearing in half between cities last semester really killed me sometimes. Yes, going 'home' did recharge me, especially in the beginning. But then I started attaching all this weight to it, so I think going back less frequently will restore the carefree joy I took in my visits in the beginning. Guilt-free visits. I love feeling free! It makes all the difference in a trip, in anything in life, really. I will honor that need for balance pretty naturally, because my car can't handle it (it's acting and sounding weird/bad lately), and I cannot afford it. The second issue of balance pertains to money. I will honor my financial commitments- mainly, paying off my credit card and these root canals - through my new part time job at the middle school. That job is a Godsend! On so many levels: it fulfills me personally; it helps me make enough money to not be in constricting debt; it should help me get out of debt. Thank you God!!!!!!!! You saw what I needed, and You delivered. I also need more balance not to worry too much about the money, which again, the job enables me to do with new empowerment!
Think of an important relationship. How will you nurture the relationship this year? Well, that was a no-brainer! Thinking how to nurture us will be a fun task, too: 1) give daily reminders of my love, rather than be a stingy texter/caller; 2) give without expecting in return (the entitled, "what have you done for me lately" attitude); 3) give without fear; 4) develop my love language of quality time with him -- think of creative, special, new ways to spend time together (places to go, affordable adventures to share, a series of fun events already planned by me for a weekend he visits); 5) select and read an encouraging scripture to him in the morning; 6) stop "scorekeeping," as he calls it; 7) more backscratches; 8) verbally tell him the things he does that I appreciate; 9) cook him a truly good dinner (or at least breakfast! That I can do!); 10) remind him how much he means to me, and thank him for all he has done for me, with poems, cards, and hopefully a piece of art. And most important of all, pray for him and for us.
In what way would you like to see yourself grow? (via personal development, experience, etc.) I would like to see myself grow spiritually, to really pause my activity and anxiety and drop it all to just adore God for all He has done. Two, I want to grow as a reader: to read more often and more variety (and faster) like I used to (or maybe that's just a fanciful version of myself I believe in but that never existed!). I will do this by a smidge a day! Perhaps squeezed in in the morning hours!
2012 will be a year of ___. Productivity and Joy!
Name people you admire. List some practical ways you can use their positive influence in your life. K.C.: I can use her influence by treating my days and profs/colleagues at Emory with appreciation, and approaching them with joy and confidence. I would like to love people better in my department. C.C.: be free to create new things, be creative and not be afraid I am being wasteful, be loving in a free, open, HONEST way with new friends. C.M. Invest myself by listening deeply to a dear friend. Perhaps S.G.? M.P.? B.B. Her way of treating each person with care and respect, I want to emulate. T.P. I can use his positive influence to accept imperfections in others, in situations, and in myself, tolerating their/it/our faults not with reluctance and resentment, but with an acceptance so deep and so warm, you know God is real and it is He who is holding your fibers together moment by moment. TP has shown me forgiveness, wisdom, strength, perseverance, faith, stability, tenderness, and a new way to conduct human relationships that doesn't just center around 'how easy is this for me today?'
Who are some people who could use your encouragement in their lives this year, and how will you encourage them? One at work; two at school; four in my family. I will encourage them by coming by their sides and spending time with them. Setting up dates with them, and time to talk to them, and (budget permitting!) little gifts to brighten the sometimes-mundanity of daily existence when things get really hard.
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