What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
The best moment that could serve that proof that everything is going to be alright... that reminds me of some Oswald Chambers that I've been reading recently, where he emphasizes that faith based on experience is not the real thing. And that really struck me, because it's easy for me to base my "knowledge" of God's goodness on instances of when He has saved the day in the past. But who's to say that God's not good, simply because He's not doing things in my life that I want? Ultimately, God is still good, whether or not my wishes are being granted.
That being said, I do think God affords us some moments of reassurance, where he is saying, "let go, let Me, just breathe and rest in my love." I find this often in His word, and also in the company of those I love most. I have to be careful with the latter, because I cannot always depend on people to make me feel that everything is going to be alright. The former is the real thing, finding a feeling of reassurance when I'm engulfed in His word. That's not as easy as the company form, but it's eternal and unshakable.
To incorporate this discovery into the year ahead, I will rely more heavily on scripture to get me through even daily life. While I do feel like my life is full to the brim right now with good things, I know that God's word will endure through times when I feel really empty, too. I want to put my full weight on God's word, study it more. Study it with a friend, maybe. Or maybe take up a new form of response to it, like writing a Bible study. Or writing my questions and analyses, for no particular audience. I would not mind returning to a "Three Minutes a Day" kind of writing. I am looking forward to reading Shauna Neiquist's books over this break, hopefully to get me rolling. I can't deny, her books kind of scare me, just because she seems so real. Real can be scary. But real is good. With God's truth, real is ok. (!)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Writing
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Just like the prompt about body integration, I love this prompt. This hits close to my heart because I want to write more and more as I get older. What I do each day that eats into time I could be writing is mostly technology-related distractions, such as Facebook. Time killer of the century. I also don't read for pleasure enough, and that's a major feeder of creative writing. I mean, writing without reading is like trying to run a race as a chronic anorexic. Not gonna happen, and if it does, it'll be pitifully done. A third writing-killer that occurs daily, I think, are my dull lessons that I haven't re-vamped.
Can I eliminate what doesn't contribute to my writing? Yes. When I go to Facebook, redirect to these prompts. When I want to give a dull repeat lesson, instead look for a way to incorporate my own writing into the lesson, as Ms. W. suggested, my administrator.
Just like the prompt about body integration, I love this prompt. This hits close to my heart because I want to write more and more as I get older. What I do each day that eats into time I could be writing is mostly technology-related distractions, such as Facebook. Time killer of the century. I also don't read for pleasure enough, and that's a major feeder of creative writing. I mean, writing without reading is like trying to run a race as a chronic anorexic. Not gonna happen, and if it does, it'll be pitifully done. A third writing-killer that occurs daily, I think, are my dull lessons that I haven't re-vamped.
Can I eliminate what doesn't contribute to my writing? Yes. When I go to Facebook, redirect to these prompts. When I want to give a dull repeat lesson, instead look for a way to incorporate my own writing into the lesson, as Ms. W. suggested, my administrator.
Make
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Well if this prompt doesn't bring to mind my more creative friends, C. and C.! It also reminds me how my brother once said to me, during my junior or senior year of undergrad, "You sure are less creative and artistic than you used to be." Initially, I was offended, but he was absolutely right. I have lost the desire to hold on to scraps and merge them into something new. Well, not entirely... I still have collaging materials in a shoebox in my bedroom, waiting, waiting, waiting to be made into something great and beautiful. Collaging really appeals to me, always has. I wonder why? I like incorporating words with images too. Complete and utter synergy! The marriage of images and words! What more could a literary artist want??? (Reminds me also of the books Austerlitz and Our America, both chapter books which incorporate images. Awesome.)
OK, I need to control myself. I could go on and on saying, "That reminds me of..." Back to the prompt at hand! A few things come to mind that I want to talk about having made. In March, I made a Wordle / Poem framed gift for one of my aunts. I used a computer, my friend Joy's prowess on Macs (to use the Grab program to capture the Wordle image and convert it into a .jpg file, so I could print it in color at FedEx), the Wordle.net website, and a two-slot picture frame to put it all together. Oh yeah, and some tape to secure it, plus the packaging stuff. Joy's help in assembling this craft was 50% of the fun. I need to clear time to make a similar one for my other aunt. However, I want to shake it up somehow and vary hers, so the gifts aren't identical. I've had her in mind for at least 6 months. I made her one already, but it doesn't do her justice, so I need to regroup and re-create. As my friend Crystal has said, it's never a bad idea to start from scratch again, and not re-use something you're not crazy about. She was referring to my personal statement for a grad school application.
Actually, maybe I should say that was my most recent creation, my re-vamped personal statement. For that, my materials were: the comfortable environment of T's apartment (heated, with his intermittent input and the motivation his company provides); Marvin Gaye lyrics (and therefore, the cultural capital my dad gave me by introducing this music to me in the first place); my computer; the gift of e-editing given by a former professor and former classmate; and spacious, soothing evening hours, away from work and without the specter of other encroaching deadlines, etc. That was a very positive experience, the creation of that personal statement. I love it, whereas the prior one I wrote was as flat as 3-day old RC Cola that came in a 2-liter plastic container and was left out in the cold garage and forgotten.
Another recent creation of mine was a collection of my own writing, which I compiled as a gift. That was fun. Maybe someday I will really get to see some of my writing published in a book. Wow, that day would be 100% bliss. So if that's the next thing I want to make, I definitely need to clear some time for it. I need to undertake the kind of discipline and devotion published writers exercise, where they say, "6 a.m. till 11 a.m. is my writing time, every day, no matter what, no matter how in or out of touch with my muse I feel, I will produce writing between those hours, uninterrupted by errands, relationships, to-do's, the Internet and its infinite researching abilities, whatever else... I already know what I want my first book to be about. I've wanted to do this for the longest time, since I was a sophomore in college. Why is it so long in coming? Why do I backburner it (yes, that's a verb) so much??? There must be an underlying lack of confidence or intimidation at the publishing process or something that makes me believe it's a waste of time to try.
Well if this prompt doesn't bring to mind my more creative friends, C. and C.! It also reminds me how my brother once said to me, during my junior or senior year of undergrad, "You sure are less creative and artistic than you used to be." Initially, I was offended, but he was absolutely right. I have lost the desire to hold on to scraps and merge them into something new. Well, not entirely... I still have collaging materials in a shoebox in my bedroom, waiting, waiting, waiting to be made into something great and beautiful. Collaging really appeals to me, always has. I wonder why? I like incorporating words with images too. Complete and utter synergy! The marriage of images and words! What more could a literary artist want??? (Reminds me also of the books Austerlitz and Our America, both chapter books which incorporate images. Awesome.)
OK, I need to control myself. I could go on and on saying, "That reminds me of..." Back to the prompt at hand! A few things come to mind that I want to talk about having made. In March, I made a Wordle / Poem framed gift for one of my aunts. I used a computer, my friend Joy's prowess on Macs (to use the Grab program to capture the Wordle image and convert it into a .jpg file, so I could print it in color at FedEx), the Wordle.net website, and a two-slot picture frame to put it all together. Oh yeah, and some tape to secure it, plus the packaging stuff. Joy's help in assembling this craft was 50% of the fun. I need to clear time to make a similar one for my other aunt. However, I want to shake it up somehow and vary hers, so the gifts aren't identical. I've had her in mind for at least 6 months. I made her one already, but it doesn't do her justice, so I need to regroup and re-create. As my friend Crystal has said, it's never a bad idea to start from scratch again, and not re-use something you're not crazy about. She was referring to my personal statement for a grad school application.
Actually, maybe I should say that was my most recent creation, my re-vamped personal statement. For that, my materials were: the comfortable environment of T's apartment (heated, with his intermittent input and the motivation his company provides); Marvin Gaye lyrics (and therefore, the cultural capital my dad gave me by introducing this music to me in the first place); my computer; the gift of e-editing given by a former professor and former classmate; and spacious, soothing evening hours, away from work and without the specter of other encroaching deadlines, etc. That was a very positive experience, the creation of that personal statement. I love it, whereas the prior one I wrote was as flat as 3-day old RC Cola that came in a 2-liter plastic container and was left out in the cold garage and forgotten.
Another recent creation of mine was a collection of my own writing, which I compiled as a gift. That was fun. Maybe someday I will really get to see some of my writing published in a book. Wow, that day would be 100% bliss. So if that's the next thing I want to make, I definitely need to clear some time for it. I need to undertake the kind of discipline and devotion published writers exercise, where they say, "6 a.m. till 11 a.m. is my writing time, every day, no matter what, no matter how in or out of touch with my muse I feel, I will produce writing between those hours, uninterrupted by errands, relationships, to-do's, the Internet and its infinite researching abilities, whatever else... I already know what I want my first book to be about. I've wanted to do this for the longest time, since I was a sophomore in college. Why is it so long in coming? Why do I backburner it (yes, that's a verb) so much??? There must be an underlying lack of confidence or intimidation at the publishing process or something that makes me believe it's a waste of time to try.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Community
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I have discovered community in a very intense way in my Bible study. These women have radically changed my life. I feel so incredibly renewed, recharged, inspired, encouraged, and enabled by their friendships. They have taught me that a Christian woman can be drop-dead gorgeous, can maintain a girlish playfulness and spontaneity in the face of the daily grind, can be very intelligent and productive in society in ways I never would have previously given much credit, can contribute much to society simply through ongoing commitment to service through the church, and can grow closer to the Lord through the years, rather than be crippled by life's complications and disappointments. I am very dissatisfied with my words here, because they simply don't capture the magnitude of the impact of this community. I would like to join my church community more deeply in 2011, especially to participate in its academic outlets more (i.e., engage in conversation/class with members who are professors at the local Presbyterian college).
I have discovered community in a very intense way in my Bible study. These women have radically changed my life. I feel so incredibly renewed, recharged, inspired, encouraged, and enabled by their friendships. They have taught me that a Christian woman can be drop-dead gorgeous, can maintain a girlish playfulness and spontaneity in the face of the daily grind, can be very intelligent and productive in society in ways I never would have previously given much credit, can contribute much to society simply through ongoing commitment to service through the church, and can grow closer to the Lord through the years, rather than be crippled by life's complications and disappointments. I am very dissatisfied with my words here, because they simply don't capture the magnitude of the impact of this community. I would like to join my church community more deeply in 2011, especially to participate in its academic outlets more (i.e., engage in conversation/class with members who are professors at the local Presbyterian college).
Beautifully Different
Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
What makes me different... (1) my naiveté. Yes, this can be a weakness, as one friend has criticized me for. But Sandy says it's refreshing to her. I see being naive as the inverse of being jaded. As I grow older, my prayer is that this trait is not expressed as optimism to a fault. May I still acknowledge the very real dysfunction and pain that cause jadedness, but respond to it in a very different way.
Along the same lines.... (2) my excitability. I met a friend for coffee today and was saddened at how she no longer reciprocated my excited remarks with no inhibitions, as we both used to. Well, I haven't outgrown this trait. While it made me feel immature next to her, I also wouldn't want to lose this trait. Two of my very best friends in Jackson are like this, and they're older than me and absolutely brilliant (in my opinion), so I want to maintain this quality. As my friend today pointed out, it's what keeps me so curious and outgoing as far as asking questions in a learning environment goes. I think that does light my professors up, seeing me be inquisitive and engaged. I know I relish it when my own students are that way with me.
(3) my vocabulary. I really think being a nerd is paying off! Now the people I love most are those who respond positively to my quirky, over-analytical, overly-formally phrased comments. I feel so myself when I am free to say these things. It's a trait of mine that attracts top-rate company. Is that a stuffy thing to say??? I don't mean rich, snooty, over-educated company. I mean playful, intellectually alive company.
What makes me different... (1) my naiveté. Yes, this can be a weakness, as one friend has criticized me for. But Sandy says it's refreshing to her. I see being naive as the inverse of being jaded. As I grow older, my prayer is that this trait is not expressed as optimism to a fault. May I still acknowledge the very real dysfunction and pain that cause jadedness, but respond to it in a very different way.
Along the same lines.... (2) my excitability. I met a friend for coffee today and was saddened at how she no longer reciprocated my excited remarks with no inhibitions, as we both used to. Well, I haven't outgrown this trait. While it made me feel immature next to her, I also wouldn't want to lose this trait. Two of my very best friends in Jackson are like this, and they're older than me and absolutely brilliant (in my opinion), so I want to maintain this quality. As my friend today pointed out, it's what keeps me so curious and outgoing as far as asking questions in a learning environment goes. I think that does light my professors up, seeing me be inquisitive and engaged. I know I relish it when my own students are that way with me.
(3) my vocabulary. I really think being a nerd is paying off! Now the people I love most are those who respond positively to my quirky, over-analytical, overly-formally phrased comments. I feel so myself when I am free to say these things. It's a trait of mine that attracts top-rate company. Is that a stuffy thing to say??? I don't mean rich, snooty, over-educated company. I mean playful, intellectually alive company.
Party
What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
This is an absolute no-brainer. Charles Hooker's Christmas party knocked my socks off. As I reminisce on it, I am absolutely astonished about how outstanding of an experience it really was. I met an amazing woman, Anna, whose thoughts and conversation were so engaging to me. As a bunch of men outside were huddled around a fire (where the drinks were), they were looking in on us wondering what we could be talking about to such an extent and with such gusto. It was truly refreshing to meet a kindred spirit like hers.
I also loved being around a bunch of professionals, YUPPies I suppose. I love being in the mix with people from different backgrounds and areas of expertise than my own. I literally feel as though I took a step up into adulthood that night, like I gained a little more insight into the importance of social consciousness.
The very best part was conversing with the Hooker couple as the party died down. I still need to polish off the book Charles lent to me, God's Long Summer: Stories of Faith and Civil Rights. Being lent a historical book by an elder who is widely respected in the local scene reminds me of when a prominent attorney lent me Rising Tide this past spring. It was a grueling read, kind of, but I'm glad I finished it. I look forward to reconnecting with the Hookers sometime soon, and continuing our conversation. I can't deny, I am growing fonder of my southern home and community by the day. I won't resist these opportunities to become rooted here.
This is an absolute no-brainer. Charles Hooker's Christmas party knocked my socks off. As I reminisce on it, I am absolutely astonished about how outstanding of an experience it really was. I met an amazing woman, Anna, whose thoughts and conversation were so engaging to me. As a bunch of men outside were huddled around a fire (where the drinks were), they were looking in on us wondering what we could be talking about to such an extent and with such gusto. It was truly refreshing to meet a kindred spirit like hers.
I also loved being around a bunch of professionals, YUPPies I suppose. I love being in the mix with people from different backgrounds and areas of expertise than my own. I literally feel as though I took a step up into adulthood that night, like I gained a little more insight into the importance of social consciousness.
The very best part was conversing with the Hooker couple as the party died down. I still need to polish off the book Charles lent to me, God's Long Summer: Stories of Faith and Civil Rights. Being lent a historical book by an elder who is widely respected in the local scene reminds me of when a prominent attorney lent me Rising Tide this past spring. It was a grueling read, kind of, but I'm glad I finished it. I look forward to reconnecting with the Hookers sometime soon, and continuing our conversation. I can't deny, I am growing fonder of my southern home and community by the day. I won't resist these opportunities to become rooted here.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wisdom
What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
I remember reading a Christian-based book about dating when I was in high school. The advice in its pages was, when you break up with someone, make it a clean break. Meaning, don't hold on. Let it go, go, go.
Now, I do admit, this long-standing personal philosophy of mine does make me very Pharisee-ish. It puts me in danger of looking down upon friends who can't seem to let go of former significant others. And I don't want to be that way. May I add that I am not perfect at practicing this philosophy, either.
However, with the help of two good friends, C.and H., I was able to let go of a very unsatisfying, not-deep relationship I had earlier in the year. And as a result of clearing house, my heart was able to grow, see myself more clearly, deepen bonds with girlfriends, not mope, and, perhaps most significantly, to understand God's good will towards my own heart and His purpose for the intermittent spring-cleaning He does when our hearts get cluttered with what's not really (for) us. I'm so glad God can restore the heart and allow it to keep growing, rather than to shut down or become utterly myopic in its view of the life God has made for us to experience abundantly.
Wisdom: in this case, it came initially through reading, and was pounded home by the encouragement of good friends.
I remember reading a Christian-based book about dating when I was in high school. The advice in its pages was, when you break up with someone, make it a clean break. Meaning, don't hold on. Let it go, go, go.
Now, I do admit, this long-standing personal philosophy of mine does make me very Pharisee-ish. It puts me in danger of looking down upon friends who can't seem to let go of former significant others. And I don't want to be that way. May I add that I am not perfect at practicing this philosophy, either.
However, with the help of two good friends, C.and H., I was able to let go of a very unsatisfying, not-deep relationship I had earlier in the year. And as a result of clearing house, my heart was able to grow, see myself more clearly, deepen bonds with girlfriends, not mope, and, perhaps most significantly, to understand God's good will towards my own heart and His purpose for the intermittent spring-cleaning He does when our hearts get cluttered with what's not really (for) us. I'm so glad God can restore the heart and allow it to keep growing, rather than to shut down or become utterly myopic in its view of the life God has made for us to experience abundantly.
Wisdom: in this case, it came initially through reading, and was pounded home by the encouragement of good friends.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
11 Things
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
The analytical side of me wants to make a flow chart for this prompt. But I'll resist!
1. fear of loss: To reduce fear, I will pray for increased awareness and belief that the calming Holy Spirit will never leave me. God has chosen me, disciplined me and will not leave me, no matter what. Why is this so hard for me to get, permanently? I feel like I understand this truth in waves; oh, for it to be constantly understood! Getting rid of this fear (that sounds so absolute -- are things in life really this way? Please! This prompt is a bit over-the-top.) will allow me to love more freely, without demands and doubts and greed for attention. I want to be able to love without expectation for returns on my "investment," and without taking as part of the equation. That's not pure love!
2. impatience. To reduce my impatience, I've found that apologizing for my shortness around those I love (the ones you love see your worst sides, don't they?) as soon as I become aware that I am being short is a very helpful response. I still have vestiges of poutiness in me, related to not getting my way, promptly. It will be better for me to be more patient, because then I will start to view time not as my own possession, only jealously and carefully shared, but as God's possession, which He intended for me to give freely for the sake of his Kingdom. Also, in terms of my anxious need to check off life accomplishments, I do believe I could use more patience, because that will be my expression to God that I am not afraid that my life is worth nothing unless I accomplish x, y and z by 201_. If I am more patient in my life's unfolding, it will be an expression that I trust God in terms of timing and the goodness of His will.
3. (I don't think I am going to make it to #11.) Clothes and shoes: I will rid of them to the Goodwill in Pearl. This will help me by de-cluttering my small closet and allowing me to freshen up and tweak my style, which is FUN and allows me to get creative and enjoy getting dressed in the morning. (This kind of pleasure is what India.Arie meant by "Little Things.")
4-11. Of course, the conquering of sins I've fought in my flesh will be helpful to producing fruit in the spirit. Galatians 5:19-21, 26; Ephesians 4: 22-27.
The analytical side of me wants to make a flow chart for this prompt. But I'll resist!
1. fear of loss: To reduce fear, I will pray for increased awareness and belief that the calming Holy Spirit will never leave me. God has chosen me, disciplined me and will not leave me, no matter what. Why is this so hard for me to get, permanently? I feel like I understand this truth in waves; oh, for it to be constantly understood! Getting rid of this fear (that sounds so absolute -- are things in life really this way? Please! This prompt is a bit over-the-top.) will allow me to love more freely, without demands and doubts and greed for attention. I want to be able to love without expectation for returns on my "investment," and without taking as part of the equation. That's not pure love!
2. impatience. To reduce my impatience, I've found that apologizing for my shortness around those I love (the ones you love see your worst sides, don't they?) as soon as I become aware that I am being short is a very helpful response. I still have vestiges of poutiness in me, related to not getting my way, promptly. It will be better for me to be more patient, because then I will start to view time not as my own possession, only jealously and carefully shared, but as God's possession, which He intended for me to give freely for the sake of his Kingdom. Also, in terms of my anxious need to check off life accomplishments, I do believe I could use more patience, because that will be my expression to God that I am not afraid that my life is worth nothing unless I accomplish x, y and z by 201_. If I am more patient in my life's unfolding, it will be an expression that I trust God in terms of timing and the goodness of His will.
3. (I don't think I am going to make it to #11.) Clothes and shoes: I will rid of them to the Goodwill in Pearl. This will help me by de-cluttering my small closet and allowing me to freshen up and tweak my style, which is FUN and allows me to get creative and enjoy getting dressed in the morning. (This kind of pleasure is what India.Arie meant by "Little Things.")
4-11. Of course, the conquering of sins I've fought in my flesh will be helpful to producing fruit in the spirit. Galatians 5:19-21, 26; Ephesians 4: 22-27.
Body Integration
This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
Wow, this prompt is really amazing! I love it. It reminds me of author Lauren Winner's thesis that God created us as particular bodies, and it's His intent for us to experience them and live in them and treat them as an integrated part of our spirituality.
I've grown into my body far more this past year. I am thankful for the body God gave me, and for its ability to move, run, be healthy, be energized and be restored, through rest and getting over sickness. I suppose I can't pinpoint a specific moment when this happened, but I do think my body has become more a part of my overall self. My consciousness of it has risen. As a result, I do feel more cohesively me. I have been able to explore more of myself now that I am not utterly consumed with undergraduate studies. Having a job and a social life and an academic life, all at once, has allowed me to know the more comprehensive Jennifer, outside of the life of her mind only. Those years, undergrad, were for the development of mind and also of heart for God. Now my development is less on the mind (sadly -- I wold like to return to that place soon), but more on physical application of my knowledge and of keeping of my body and spirit.
Speaking about bodies like this reminds me of one of my best friends, Anna's, comments this past summer: "Jennifer, do you realize that now, around age 25, we are at our physical peak? It's all downhill from here!" LOL. No need to fret about that, though. As I mentioned above, the body has an astounding capacity for restoration.
Wow, this prompt is really amazing! I love it. It reminds me of author Lauren Winner's thesis that God created us as particular bodies, and it's His intent for us to experience them and live in them and treat them as an integrated part of our spirituality.
I've grown into my body far more this past year. I am thankful for the body God gave me, and for its ability to move, run, be healthy, be energized and be restored, through rest and getting over sickness. I suppose I can't pinpoint a specific moment when this happened, but I do think my body has become more a part of my overall self. My consciousness of it has risen. As a result, I do feel more cohesively me. I have been able to explore more of myself now that I am not utterly consumed with undergraduate studies. Having a job and a social life and an academic life, all at once, has allowed me to know the more comprehensive Jennifer, outside of the life of her mind only. Those years, undergrad, were for the development of mind and also of heart for God. Now my development is less on the mind (sadly -- I wold like to return to that place soon), but more on physical application of my knowledge and of keeping of my body and spirit.
Speaking about bodies like this reminds me of one of my best friends, Anna's, comments this past summer: "Jennifer, do you realize that now, around age 25, we are at our physical peak? It's all downhill from here!" LOL. No need to fret about that, though. As I mentioned above, the body has an astounding capacity for restoration.
Action
When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
My first reaction to this question is to talk about my vocational aspirations. But what about the other parts of me? That accounts for the mind, but what of the heart, soul, and strength in me?
I do aspire to live my life more for the gospel than for myself. That's not going so well. It is so easy to live for self, to direct all energies towards self-development, to examine and criticize self for its past errors and present fears, to congratulate self on accomplishments, victories and right actions (of course, as defined by self). What's far harder is to center all relationships around the gospel, to point to the gospel in everything, rather than to one's own autobiography as some kind of compelling story that will point to Jesus. That approach still glorifies self.
As I write all this, there's a weird consciousness on my part as a writer trying to impress my reader. "Wow, she's really got it all straight in her head," reader thinks. But really, I'm not so ironed-out like that. There's still so much that's not worked out yet. As the prompt says, an aspiration is not about ideas (which I've done in the preceding paragraph), but about making ideas happen. What's my next step?
Well, first, when adults in my life point to me as the cause of my present circumstances, I hope I will be more quick to put the spotlight on Jesus as the Helper, Rescuer, and Maker. I long for the impulse in my communication to turn all conversation back onto Him. And not in a nauseating, holier-than-thou way, but in a freeing, it's-not-all-about-me, and it's-not-about-what-I've-done-right (-or-wrong) way.
Along the lines of action, prayer is always a great place to start. My prayer is, increase my desire for the Kingdom and to tell about Jesus, who has made my life beautiful. What is more motivating (to action) than a deep, itching desire?
My first reaction to this question is to talk about my vocational aspirations. But what about the other parts of me? That accounts for the mind, but what of the heart, soul, and strength in me?
I do aspire to live my life more for the gospel than for myself. That's not going so well. It is so easy to live for self, to direct all energies towards self-development, to examine and criticize self for its past errors and present fears, to congratulate self on accomplishments, victories and right actions (of course, as defined by self). What's far harder is to center all relationships around the gospel, to point to the gospel in everything, rather than to one's own autobiography as some kind of compelling story that will point to Jesus. That approach still glorifies self.
As I write all this, there's a weird consciousness on my part as a writer trying to impress my reader. "Wow, she's really got it all straight in her head," reader thinks. But really, I'm not so ironed-out like that. There's still so much that's not worked out yet. As the prompt says, an aspiration is not about ideas (which I've done in the preceding paragraph), but about making ideas happen. What's my next step?
Well, first, when adults in my life point to me as the cause of my present circumstances, I hope I will be more quick to put the spotlight on Jesus as the Helper, Rescuer, and Maker. I long for the impulse in my communication to turn all conversation back onto Him. And not in a nauseating, holier-than-thou way, but in a freeing, it's-not-all-about-me, and it's-not-about-what-I've-done-right (-or-wrong) way.
Along the lines of action, prayer is always a great place to start. My prayer is, increase my desire for the Kingdom and to tell about Jesus, who has made my life beautiful. What is more motivating (to action) than a deep, itching desire?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Appreciate
What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I have come to appreciate my surrogate mother, Linda. I don't think I have ever fully appreciated her enough as I do now. She is truly like a parent to me. Now she treats me like an adult, which continues to amaze and excite me. That is, our child-parent relationship has evolved to encompass more "mature" life concerns and topics. I can openly ask her my questions about life, and not be afraid of her judgment. I can also ask her more about her relationship with my dad, and she's happy to share.
She came to my grad school graduation in May in Jackson. She's the first family member (type) person to come visit me here. What's really the most special thing is how she met my Bible study group....my family here knows my family from my upbringing. How significant!
How do I express gratitude for her? Verbally to her, and also by telling other friends about her. Oh I love her. And she's in my life to stay, for good!
I have come to appreciate my surrogate mother, Linda. I don't think I have ever fully appreciated her enough as I do now. She is truly like a parent to me. Now she treats me like an adult, which continues to amaze and excite me. That is, our child-parent relationship has evolved to encompass more "mature" life concerns and topics. I can openly ask her my questions about life, and not be afraid of her judgment. I can also ask her more about her relationship with my dad, and she's happy to share.
She came to my grad school graduation in May in Jackson. She's the first family member (type) person to come visit me here. What's really the most special thing is how she met my Bible study group....my family here knows my family from my upbringing. How significant!
How do I express gratitude for her? Verbally to her, and also by telling other friends about her. Oh I love her. And she's in my life to stay, for good!
5 Minutes
Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
- spending the night at Crystal and Becky's on Friday nights, and not feeling lonely anymore but having so much fun and feeling so loved!
- taking communion with 17,000 people (is that the right number) in St. Louis on New Year's at Urbana
- going on a walk (walks?) with Lisa Krantz, learning more about what it is to be a Christian woman who understands forgiveness and God's grace
- tea at a fancy hotel (I can't remember the name!) in downtown Chicago with Aunt Diann and Uncle Larry
- meeting Thomas at Underground 119
- dinners with Thomas, over which we met each others' friends
- Thanksgiving in Nashville with Andre and Timi and Thomas
- walking around Nashville on Black Friday
- my successful Spring break drive to Colorado
- getting employed to do social research! Implementing my own study!
- Portfolio and Academic achievement awards for MTC
- Linda's graduation visit in Jackson in May...the first time a loved one has visited me in my new home!
- spending the night at Crystal and Becky's on Friday nights, and not feeling lonely anymore but having so much fun and feeling so loved!
- taking communion with 17,000 people (is that the right number) in St. Louis on New Year's at Urbana
- going on a walk (walks?) with Lisa Krantz, learning more about what it is to be a Christian woman who understands forgiveness and God's grace
- tea at a fancy hotel (I can't remember the name!) in downtown Chicago with Aunt Diann and Uncle Larry
- meeting Thomas at Underground 119
- dinners with Thomas, over which we met each others' friends
- Thanksgiving in Nashville with Andre and Timi and Thomas
- walking around Nashville on Black Friday
- my successful Spring break drive to Colorado
- getting employed to do social research! Implementing my own study!
- Portfolio and Academic achievement awards for MTC
- Linda's graduation visit in Jackson in May...the first time a loved one has visited me in my new home!
Try
What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
What do I want to try next year... hmm. It's sobering and odd to be at the end of another year, looking back on it. I think I will start with what I wanted to try this year (2010). I wanted to try to get into grad school in Chicago or New York. What happened when I went for it is that it didn't work out. I wasn't crushed by that, though.In fact, I had psychologically prepared myself to be OK with it. I really felt that my time in Jackson was not up yet. I jumped head-first into Plan B (which I wrote about yesterday): pursue a master's in sociology locally, and keep teaching. The proportions of God's provision in this place are astounding. He has provided every good thing, and then some. I can support myself; I have a roommate I love; I have friends I trust and admire; I have a church I look to for spiritual growth and learning; I have a boyfriend who makes me so excited for the future; I have professors who keep me building on my passion; I have two jobs that fit my abilities and passions perfectly.
I see that I've taken a tangent. What I am getting at is, my approach to life is to try hard, and if the results aren't good, I continually see God's hand on the other side. So what I will try for 2011 is grad school again, in different cities. I've submitted one app, but not the other. I'd also like to try to get closer to my brother and to try to be more involved in the life of my church, as in, give more of my abilities and time to it. I never want to find myself at a crossroads in life and not try.
What do I want to try next year... hmm. It's sobering and odd to be at the end of another year, looking back on it. I think I will start with what I wanted to try this year (2010). I wanted to try to get into grad school in Chicago or New York. What happened when I went for it is that it didn't work out. I wasn't crushed by that, though.In fact, I had psychologically prepared myself to be OK with it. I really felt that my time in Jackson was not up yet. I jumped head-first into Plan B (which I wrote about yesterday): pursue a master's in sociology locally, and keep teaching. The proportions of God's provision in this place are astounding. He has provided every good thing, and then some. I can support myself; I have a roommate I love; I have friends I trust and admire; I have a church I look to for spiritual growth and learning; I have a boyfriend who makes me so excited for the future; I have professors who keep me building on my passion; I have two jobs that fit my abilities and passions perfectly.
I see that I've taken a tangent. What I am getting at is, my approach to life is to try hard, and if the results aren't good, I continually see God's hand on the other side. So what I will try for 2011 is grad school again, in different cities. I've submitted one app, but not the other. I'd also like to try to get closer to my brother and to try to be more involved in the life of my church, as in, give more of my abilities and time to it. I never want to find myself at a crossroads in life and not try.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Lesson Learned
December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
The best thing I learned about myself this past year is that I can make choices for myself and stand on my own two feet. I am happy with my choice to remain in Jackson and build a life here. I also have learned that I am a pretty adaptable person to Plan B's, and I have not at all felt any sense of disappointment or second-rate living, at ALL. God had a way better idea in mind for me this year than me going to graduate school where I'd always pictured myself going. I am excited to see all the ways His plans smash apart my own preconceived ones. Every time, His result puts my plans to shame! My plans are like a girl in pale makeup, who doesn't know how to enhance her looks. His plans are like a make-over on a girl that makes her absolutely stunning. BTW, that's the effect He has on me in general. He makes me beautiful, rather than my own ill-conceived, novice (as a friend of mine loves to say, neophyte) efforts for the same result.
I've also learned about myself, with great relief and excitement, that my passion and energy level haven't and don't go away. Again, God is fueling that. Thank You, God. That's how these three lessons learned about who I am will move me forward: by making me more thankful, more trusting of God, more on the look-out for good endings, more flexible with what are disappointments in the moment. I will apply this lesson -- that I can be autonomous and I can be more than content with any direction my future takes -- by not fearing loss. When that fear grips me, I will call back up this lesson to mind. Because there is no condition in the future that could tear me from God's already proven goodness. He will only take me to good places. I can rest in that, and not fret over preserving the present or sweating the future, whether this or that door will open. All that's in my hands is to care for what I have (that and who has been given to me) in the present moment, diligently, and to try the doorknobs. I simply can't force any doors open, nor do I need to. That second part of that sentence is absolutely freeing!
The direction I want to go next is to be able and willing to exemplify and communicate God's grace and the gift of His son. I want to know what it is in me that makes me slow to share the gospel?
The best thing I learned about myself this past year is that I can make choices for myself and stand on my own two feet. I am happy with my choice to remain in Jackson and build a life here. I also have learned that I am a pretty adaptable person to Plan B's, and I have not at all felt any sense of disappointment or second-rate living, at ALL. God had a way better idea in mind for me this year than me going to graduate school where I'd always pictured myself going. I am excited to see all the ways His plans smash apart my own preconceived ones. Every time, His result puts my plans to shame! My plans are like a girl in pale makeup, who doesn't know how to enhance her looks. His plans are like a make-over on a girl that makes her absolutely stunning. BTW, that's the effect He has on me in general. He makes me beautiful, rather than my own ill-conceived, novice (as a friend of mine loves to say, neophyte) efforts for the same result.
I've also learned about myself, with great relief and excitement, that my passion and energy level haven't and don't go away. Again, God is fueling that. Thank You, God. That's how these three lessons learned about who I am will move me forward: by making me more thankful, more trusting of God, more on the look-out for good endings, more flexible with what are disappointments in the moment. I will apply this lesson -- that I can be autonomous and I can be more than content with any direction my future takes -- by not fearing loss. When that fear grips me, I will call back up this lesson to mind. Because there is no condition in the future that could tear me from God's already proven goodness. He will only take me to good places. I can rest in that, and not fret over preserving the present or sweating the future, whether this or that door will open. All that's in my hands is to care for what I have (that and who has been given to me) in the present moment, diligently, and to try the doorknobs. I simply can't force any doors open, nor do I need to. That second part of that sentence is absolutely freeing!
The direction I want to go next is to be able and willing to exemplify and communicate God's grace and the gift of His son. I want to know what it is in me that makes me slow to share the gospel?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
REVERB10: Friendship
Prompt: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
Woah. I am torn for this one. I either want to write about C or T. I think I will do both.
C: This friend has completely accepted me for who I am. She's excited, rather than dismayed, about the qualities that make me an odd individual. Well, odd at least in my family's eyes. C has showed me that a Christian bond can be all-encompassing: that the giddy girliness, the petty worries, the significant ideas and dreams, the weighty sins and glory that fight in our spiritual lives -- all of these things have a basis and a home in our friendship and time spent together. She has changed my perspective on the fun of being a Christian. It's no longer a daunting task when I am in fellowship with her, and that's not because her doctrine is lightweight and footloose and fancy free. Rather, she's real about her sin, or just about sin period, and doesn't try to evade, excuse or minimize it. And yet, she makes me feel at ease about being forthcoming and undaunted by it, to realize the true power of confrontation through repentance. This change was a gradual one, one where her company increased my confidence in my faith and my identity in Christ. It has been building and building, with her constant love and care towards me.
T: Now herein lies the sudden burst of change. He has changed me by helping me loosen up and enjoy life more. I really look forward to my evening hours now, whereas last year, I think they were okay, but I was never anywhere near as excited to spend evenings alone, eating an okay dinner alone, watching an episode(s) of Everwood or The Wire or OTH alone. Now I get to enjoy dinner with someone else, which has boosted my quality of life exponentially. He also finds me funny, which has changed my view of myself from one who was primarily only suited for female company, to one who again sees my worth and compatibility in a man's eyes. My perspective of God has changed too, because now I feel very taken care of in physical terms. I see God as a provider of the companionship I enjoy so much, and He has brought me fun and a new sense of belonging that is deep and exhilarating. That is, I feel provided for and loved - as I always have been in Him, but with T, it's far more pronounced. I am re-entering the life I knew, where I was a girl in a predominantly male household. I have the influence and presence of a male in my life again. It's so amazing! What an entirely different type of friendship from the female ones I've grown accustomed to in the past two years.
So I've been changed in that I feel more in my natural element now than I have in the past two years.
Woah. I am torn for this one. I either want to write about C or T. I think I will do both.
C: This friend has completely accepted me for who I am. She's excited, rather than dismayed, about the qualities that make me an odd individual. Well, odd at least in my family's eyes. C has showed me that a Christian bond can be all-encompassing: that the giddy girliness, the petty worries, the significant ideas and dreams, the weighty sins and glory that fight in our spiritual lives -- all of these things have a basis and a home in our friendship and time spent together. She has changed my perspective on the fun of being a Christian. It's no longer a daunting task when I am in fellowship with her, and that's not because her doctrine is lightweight and footloose and fancy free. Rather, she's real about her sin, or just about sin period, and doesn't try to evade, excuse or minimize it. And yet, she makes me feel at ease about being forthcoming and undaunted by it, to realize the true power of confrontation through repentance. This change was a gradual one, one where her company increased my confidence in my faith and my identity in Christ. It has been building and building, with her constant love and care towards me.
T: Now herein lies the sudden burst of change. He has changed me by helping me loosen up and enjoy life more. I really look forward to my evening hours now, whereas last year, I think they were okay, but I was never anywhere near as excited to spend evenings alone, eating an okay dinner alone, watching an episode(s) of Everwood or The Wire or OTH alone. Now I get to enjoy dinner with someone else, which has boosted my quality of life exponentially. He also finds me funny, which has changed my view of myself from one who was primarily only suited for female company, to one who again sees my worth and compatibility in a man's eyes. My perspective of God has changed too, because now I feel very taken care of in physical terms. I see God as a provider of the companionship I enjoy so much, and He has brought me fun and a new sense of belonging that is deep and exhilarating. That is, I feel provided for and loved - as I always have been in Him, but with T, it's far more pronounced. I am re-entering the life I knew, where I was a girl in a predominantly male household. I have the influence and presence of a male in my life again. It's so amazing! What an entirely different type of friendship from the female ones I've grown accustomed to in the past two years.
So I've been changed in that I feel more in my natural element now than I have in the past two years.
Goals for next semester
I am almost done administrating 9-weeks' final exams, and with them, a brief, anonymous student evaulation of my teaching. I am anxious to look over the results of what they said. What's their opinion of my classroom environment? Teaching style- pace, energy level, preparation level? How responsive or unresponsive am I to their needs and questions? (I have a bad feeling about that one....I blame it on the fact that public schools must emphasize control of the masses, and thus attention to the individual takes a necessary hit.) Results pending. I'll be sure to post them on this site soon. I'm honestly looking forward to some quality professional relection over the break. I want to give my students more, more of my time, energy, thought, preparatory efforts, innovations in how to bring their achievement levels up.
Here are my major goals for next term, itemized:
- Challenge my HL (high level) learners. This means differentiation. Perhaps I can try a Michelle-styled go-at-your-own-pace portfolio system? As in, "x amount of work is due by x date; get er done." Could I handle allowing that much student autonomy?
- Use my own writing more often in class as model writing. This should be F-U-N! We all know how ego-centric I am about my own writing.
- Find ways to interest the students more. This will probably mean more art-based activities (wow, they did a great job and had high homework returns on teh text features assignment two weeks ago...I [grinningly] saw some talent and work ethic and engagement with the material/content come out of the woodwork that day. They really do like that book, Speak, no matter how teen-drama it is.). Or maybe some physical/movement activites would be good. Whatever the case, my goal is to incorporate non-visual, non-auditory learning styles EVERY DAY. I need to appeal to the bored student more than I have ever before. They comprise my largest failing population on these standardized tests. The time has come for me to cater to them (ewh, that sounds awful) ... or perhaps, attempt to serve them better (yes, I like that verbage much better).
- Raise my teacher-consciousness. I want to be fully present and be taking full advantage of the golden opportunity to get to know these teenagers. It's such a priviledge and a dream come true for me to be in this position. All I want in life is to increase in my desire to teach and serve in a community just like the one I'm in. That's why Mrs. B from Murrah is my super-star hero that I want to emulate.
Here are my major goals for next term, itemized:
- Challenge my HL (high level) learners. This means differentiation. Perhaps I can try a Michelle-styled go-at-your-own-pace portfolio system? As in, "x amount of work is due by x date; get er done." Could I handle allowing that much student autonomy?
- Use my own writing more often in class as model writing. This should be F-U-N! We all know how ego-centric I am about my own writing.
- Find ways to interest the students more. This will probably mean more art-based activities (wow, they did a great job and had high homework returns on teh text features assignment two weeks ago...I [grinningly] saw some talent and work ethic and engagement with the material/content come out of the woodwork that day. They really do like that book, Speak, no matter how teen-drama it is.). Or maybe some physical/movement activites would be good. Whatever the case, my goal is to incorporate non-visual, non-auditory learning styles EVERY DAY. I need to appeal to the bored student more than I have ever before. They comprise my largest failing population on these standardized tests. The time has come for me to cater to them (ewh, that sounds awful) ... or perhaps, attempt to serve them better (yes, I like that verbage much better).
- Raise my teacher-consciousness. I want to be fully present and be taking full advantage of the golden opportunity to get to know these teenagers. It's such a priviledge and a dream come true for me to be in this position. All I want in life is to increase in my desire to teach and serve in a community just like the one I'm in. That's why Mrs. B from Murrah is my super-star hero that I want to emulate.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Social Graces
In communicating with students' parents via email, I have learned the power of starting all emails with a simple, "Thank you for your note." I learned that social grace from my former professor, Dr. Colomy. Ah, the things you learn in college that will equip you for effective functioning as an adult in this world. You could say it's all nothing more than pretty talk to get by easier, with less conflict, or in the most base of terms, it's brown nosing. I actually think it's more deeply good than that, though. I love being thankful! That's the optimist's view. Life is much easier, and I would suspect more relationally productive, that way.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Discouragement
This is testing week at our school. Reminds me of what a coworker told me last week, about what one of her students said to her:
"Ms. P, how come we're all failing [these state tests], even the smart kids?"
The state test will break you, be you a teacher or a student. It's exhausting.
"Ms. P, how come we're all failing [these state tests], even the smart kids?"
The state test will break you, be you a teacher or a student. It's exhausting.
Friday, December 10, 2010
A day of funny quotes
Today, my students said some of the most darnest things.
Let's start with the thesis statement from a student's paper answering this prompt: "How do you feel the roles of men and women differ in our society? Do you believe that these roles should stay the same or change?"
He wrote: "Men do most of the hard work, such as carpentry and offshore drilling, but women do just a much as we do." I laughed because of the incredible specificity of offshore drilling as a predominant trait that says, "Yes, I am a man." He went on to write, "Women take care of household duties such as looking after kids, grocery shopping, taking care of husbands, cooking, cleaning and working. Men do not do as much. We work hard but when we get home all we want to do is have fun, eat, and sleep. I know our women are tired of our actions."
I have noticed a common thread in the writing of my students over the past three years: by and large, they admire their mothers deeply. They see them as bastions of strength and resilience and inpenetrablility. Wow. I admire these women vicariously when I read such words.
Another quote: during last period, the smart kid with dreads said: "Ms. Nelson, what's the point of doing anything, if not for a ticket?" I was overwhelmed with the philosophical weight of such a question. There are reasons and motives for working hard and not for an immediate, tangible reward that amounts to something. And surely, as a brainy and creative kid, he must know that thinking and creating is satisfying in itself, with no external imput at all.
I really want to read "Our America" with my students next semester. I don't want to repeat the books I've been doing any longer...they're getting old and unstimulating to me. Cost/benefit: put work into my work outside of work, and enjoy work more while I'm there, or enjoy not working outside of work and enjoy work (far?) less while on the clock. Hmm.
As I handed back essays today, I remembered the deep impact Erin Hawes, my Production Ensemble theater teacher in 12th grade, had on me when she wrote extended responses to my acting/character journals during the production "The Crucible." She said no matter what I do, I need to write. Oh, I wish I could look back over those papers. But they're gone, along with most of my artifacts from yesteryear. One teacher's written comment alone is enough to serve as the pilot light to my furnace. I will remain driven to write for the rest of my days. No matter what I do.
May I kindle my students' passions likewise, and not overlook them or respond so minimally that I miss an opportunity to encourage. Look how long the power of Ms. Hawes' one sentence has resonated with me: five, going on six years.
Let's start with the thesis statement from a student's paper answering this prompt: "How do you feel the roles of men and women differ in our society? Do you believe that these roles should stay the same or change?"
He wrote: "Men do most of the hard work, such as carpentry and offshore drilling, but women do just a much as we do." I laughed because of the incredible specificity of offshore drilling as a predominant trait that says, "Yes, I am a man." He went on to write, "Women take care of household duties such as looking after kids, grocery shopping, taking care of husbands, cooking, cleaning and working. Men do not do as much. We work hard but when we get home all we want to do is have fun, eat, and sleep. I know our women are tired of our actions."
I have noticed a common thread in the writing of my students over the past three years: by and large, they admire their mothers deeply. They see them as bastions of strength and resilience and inpenetrablility. Wow. I admire these women vicariously when I read such words.
Another quote: during last period, the smart kid with dreads said: "Ms. Nelson, what's the point of doing anything, if not for a ticket?" I was overwhelmed with the philosophical weight of such a question. There are reasons and motives for working hard and not for an immediate, tangible reward that amounts to something. And surely, as a brainy and creative kid, he must know that thinking and creating is satisfying in itself, with no external imput at all.
I really want to read "Our America" with my students next semester. I don't want to repeat the books I've been doing any longer...they're getting old and unstimulating to me. Cost/benefit: put work into my work outside of work, and enjoy work more while I'm there, or enjoy not working outside of work and enjoy work (far?) less while on the clock. Hmm.
As I handed back essays today, I remembered the deep impact Erin Hawes, my Production Ensemble theater teacher in 12th grade, had on me when she wrote extended responses to my acting/character journals during the production "The Crucible." She said no matter what I do, I need to write. Oh, I wish I could look back over those papers. But they're gone, along with most of my artifacts from yesteryear. One teacher's written comment alone is enough to serve as the pilot light to my furnace. I will remain driven to write for the rest of my days. No matter what I do.
May I kindle my students' passions likewise, and not overlook them or respond so minimally that I miss an opportunity to encourage. Look how long the power of Ms. Hawes' one sentence has resonated with me: five, going on six years.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Visits from former students
Here's a topic I'm revisiting, but I have to reiterate how incredibly sweet it is to continue knowing my students, and see them blossom as they have become upperclassmen. I love, love, love the fact that they came and visited me.
One student, L., came in my room during my lunch period on Wednesday. She shared an evangelistic poem she wrote that was so compelling, it spurred me to ask her a bunch of question afterwards. She has this perfect raspiness to her voice that makes her poetry even sweeter. She performed it at an open mic event later that week-- I'm sure she had no problem whatsoever doing it! She's a natural. When I had her as a sophomore, she had a whole spiral notebook full of poems. How much the themes and verbiage of her work have matured over the two past years.
Another student, T., one of my personal favorites who at first was the brattiest, most intolerable thorn in my side, but in the last week of last year became one of my absolute prized pupils, came in (also for poetic reasons) during my APAC 7th period class. She was slated to recite Johnathan Walton's "My Release," a long but great poem I'd shared with my classes the past two years, and in fact had shown 7th period on YouTube that very day. I hope the presentation went well for her. Ah, I love her!
I've been praying for more love for my students. I think God has answered that prayer. It's effortless in instances like these.
One student, L., came in my room during my lunch period on Wednesday. She shared an evangelistic poem she wrote that was so compelling, it spurred me to ask her a bunch of question afterwards. She has this perfect raspiness to her voice that makes her poetry even sweeter. She performed it at an open mic event later that week-- I'm sure she had no problem whatsoever doing it! She's a natural. When I had her as a sophomore, she had a whole spiral notebook full of poems. How much the themes and verbiage of her work have matured over the two past years.
Another student, T., one of my personal favorites who at first was the brattiest, most intolerable thorn in my side, but in the last week of last year became one of my absolute prized pupils, came in (also for poetic reasons) during my APAC 7th period class. She was slated to recite Johnathan Walton's "My Release," a long but great poem I'd shared with my classes the past two years, and in fact had shown 7th period on YouTube that very day. I hope the presentation went well for her. Ah, I love her!
I've been praying for more love for my students. I think God has answered that prayer. It's effortless in instances like these.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Former student success stories
Today, S. came to my door at the top of the morning and told me she passed the English state test! She had failed it a few times, but she's a smart cookie and she deserved to pass it. She diligently studied for it in the squeeze early this fall with gracious Mr. F's help. AH! If personal success feels good....vicarious success feels great! She's free! She feels competent again! (as she should)
Also, S., my favorite and best tennis player these past two years, paid an unexpected visit after school. He now attends Tougaloo College and is the #3 player on their tennis team! He's the coach's unspoken favorite, I am sure. He looks like a young man now; all traces of childishness have seamlessly departed from his face. He's still somewhat small in stature, but I can't express how grown up he looks now, but in a good way, an "I am more mature and responsible now" way, not in a disappointing, let-down, loss-of-cute way. He wants to help with the upcoming group of FH tennis players this spring. I happily agreed. :)
Also, S., my favorite and best tennis player these past two years, paid an unexpected visit after school. He now attends Tougaloo College and is the #3 player on their tennis team! He's the coach's unspoken favorite, I am sure. He looks like a young man now; all traces of childishness have seamlessly departed from his face. He's still somewhat small in stature, but I can't express how grown up he looks now, but in a good way, an "I am more mature and responsible now" way, not in a disappointing, let-down, loss-of-cute way. He wants to help with the upcoming group of FH tennis players this spring. I happily agreed. :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Never too childish
Yesterday I was considering re-vamping my classroom's look to make it more collegiate and mature looking. You know, less Mickey-Mouse, overpowering colorful posters everywhere, more somber tones and hues conveying deep thoughts to aid in students' self-actualization.
I solicited the advice of a student who was helping me grade. I asked him, "Is this classroom too childish looking? Does it remind you of kindergarden?" And he said, "You shouldn't change it. Some of your students actually need that. I didn't know half the words you taught us last year."
That made me so, so happy. So bright colors and youthful energy it has been and will be.
I solicited the advice of a student who was helping me grade. I asked him, "Is this classroom too childish looking? Does it remind you of kindergarden?" And he said, "You shouldn't change it. Some of your students actually need that. I didn't know half the words you taught us last year."
That made me so, so happy. So bright colors and youthful energy it has been and will be.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Do I relate to my students?
On Friday, a coworker said I was "cold and distant" to students. I don't think he meant it with any bad intent. This really saddened me. I guess I am stand-offish with students, not allowing their greetings to go far beyond, "I'm good. Take a seat." I admit, I don't want the latent and potential chaos of the student body that I observe from afar to permeate my classroom; this stand-offishness is my method of preventing it. Maybe I am trying to be a tough cookie to compensate for my being a young white female. I have settled into a "nothing but business" teacher persona this year. It's good that students can tell I care about their learning through the conducive-to-learning environment I provide (physically and instructionally/discipline-wise), but they cannot necessarily tell I care about them.
How can I improve on this? Perhaps I will set a goal to ask at least one "I care about you beyond the four walls of this classroom" question to one student per day, and vary that student until I have asked them all one. On their way in the room, "How is soccer practice going?" or "Did you enjoy the game Friday?" or "What was the best and worst part of your weekend?"
How can I improve on this? Perhaps I will set a goal to ask at least one "I care about you beyond the four walls of this classroom" question to one student per day, and vary that student until I have asked them all one. On their way in the room, "How is soccer practice going?" or "Did you enjoy the game Friday?" or "What was the best and worst part of your weekend?"
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sept. 2010: Some thoughts on the 3rd year
This third year teaching is different. New rewards are emerging in my job.
For one, my most rambunctious, annoying student form last year always greets me in the hallways nowadays. He's my most frequent classroom visitor. "Hi Ms. Nelson!" he says exuberantly. It's so funny to see such a big, football guy so enthusiastic about school! He's a sharp fella, but his grades aren't anything to boast about. It's so funny how the bane of my existence one year is a ray of sunshine in the next!
Two: Last week, I realized with fresh awareness how much physical activity benefits students. I should NEVER brush the anticipatory set part of the lesson off as inconsequential. My 8th period, probably my hardest class to manage, really benefitted from acting out the attention grabber - connector - thesis illustration / scene. The students totally grasped the concept because of the brief scene when four of them got to act out pretending to be parts of a machine with interconnected, distinct motions. Acting totally perks the class up. I hope to integrate more of this acting into my teaching this year, and get away from being so wholly auditory.
Three: It's such a JOY to have former students' siblings now as my students! Enough said! I love how I can see the resemblance in their faces and sometimes also in their demeanors.
Four: overhearing this about me from a student in the hall: "That's about the only teacher I respect." Of course, that quote has a severe downside, but it did make me feel good.
For one, my most rambunctious, annoying student form last year always greets me in the hallways nowadays. He's my most frequent classroom visitor. "Hi Ms. Nelson!" he says exuberantly. It's so funny to see such a big, football guy so enthusiastic about school! He's a sharp fella, but his grades aren't anything to boast about. It's so funny how the bane of my existence one year is a ray of sunshine in the next!
Two: Last week, I realized with fresh awareness how much physical activity benefits students. I should NEVER brush the anticipatory set part of the lesson off as inconsequential. My 8th period, probably my hardest class to manage, really benefitted from acting out the attention grabber - connector - thesis illustration / scene. The students totally grasped the concept because of the brief scene when four of them got to act out pretending to be parts of a machine with interconnected, distinct motions. Acting totally perks the class up. I hope to integrate more of this acting into my teaching this year, and get away from being so wholly auditory.
Three: It's such a JOY to have former students' siblings now as my students! Enough said! I love how I can see the resemblance in their faces and sometimes also in their demeanors.
Four: overhearing this about me from a student in the hall: "That's about the only teacher I respect." Of course, that quote has a severe downside, but it did make me feel good.
Friday, September 10, 2010
April 2010: My Mississippi Teacher Corps Experience
For the first part of my reflection, I am going to pull from two of my early journal entries from that first summer when I arrived in Oxford. I titled the file “Mississippi Memoirs,” intending to keep up with it, but alas, that was not to come to fruition. There are two analogies that are apt to summarize my MTC experience: one, as a tale of clean and new to dirty and worn shoes, and second, as a maturation of clothing tastes, from childish outfits to YUPpie style. I never thought I would say this happily, but here it is: Goodbye childhood, hello adulthood!
June 7, 2008 - When I was talking to a Corps member yesterday on the way to class, her exasperation with college struck me: “when college was over, I was like, ‘thank goodness – I’ve worked my butt off and I am ready for this to be done.’” But I cannot criticize her with a clear conscience: I think the very same way. I wish I weren’t like a plow that just wants so get through everything and say, “look, I’ve done it.” May my time in Mississippi be more than a “when will this be over so I can do the next thing” experience.
June 14, 2008 - Mississippi ruined my shoes.
Maybe it’d be better to say, “When I came to Mississippi, my shoes got ruined.” But then, that old English lesson of using vivid verbs got the best of me, and I decided to be more direct. When I arrived here two weeks ago, my running shoes were pristine.
But then, on one of my first Mississippi runs, I opted for the long stretch of divided highway, where the dust on the side of the road is the finest I’ve seen anywhere. With one careless sweep of the foot on my part, the dust made its way into the shoes’ pristine latticework and colonized in the pockets of cotton. They were probably pretty comfy there, but I winced in disappointment.
If my shoes had eyes, they also got a shock on that run: I passed by five road kill. I remember reading an Annie Dillard essay in high school on the vast assortment of road kill to be found in the South, but passing it within a one-yard eyeshot is different than holding a clean book. My shoes made 6-inch clearance of the turtle, the possum with its feet in the air, the snake, and the unidentifiable, smushed creature with many fossilizing limbs I decided that, to reduce trauma, I would only grant road kill my peripheral vision. With a sideways glance, this one actually looked like an octopus. Obviously, there are no octopi to speak of in inland Mississippi.
A few days later, I was making my way for a run on a trail nearby. The trail is part of a massive trails project in this town, whose “movers and shakers” have led in order to transform the former paths of dismantled railroad tracks into pretty nature trails. Anyways, as I stepped underneath a magnolia tree, one of its massive leaves lost its balance and dumped a pound of water on my shoe. The water was freezing cold, which felt okay, but then my shoes really started to look ugly. That’s when I realized, I came here not to keep my shoes nice and new and clean, even though that’s my natural impulse. Rather, I came here to change, grow, blossom, learn. Which, yes, requires getting dirty - perhaps even ruining a few of the former things.
The best part of walking new territory is making new friends. When a phase of life ends (college), making a new beginning seems like no remedy at all. At first, it seems like any conscientious adjustment to the present is a deprecation of the past. When I am in this mood, I chastise myself for being a highly-mobile youth, who forms strong bonds only to disband them in a few short years. I am constantly re-arranging my affiliations, like some restless secretary who has gone mad, moving supplies around in the office supply cabinet, expending tons of energy to no real effect. Wouldn’t it just be easier – more importantly, healthier – to just maintain the same social bonds and ties and friendships in one place, over a long period of time? Can’t I have discipline enough to resist the urge to get up and move all the time, to go to a new place, to stash another “experience” into my “life experience” fanny pack? I used to regard the lifestyle of chronic traveling as a disease. A person catches it when he or she lacks the wherewithal to solve problems where he or she is, and instead opts to just run away from them.
But then, that magical moment presents itself, like a girl in her dress at the top of the stairs, whose prom date awaits her at the foot of the stairs: you look down and realize, hey, my mitt’s finally broken in! It’s a glaringly obvious and exciting moment. Here’s how it happened: I was sitting in the passenger seat of my friend’s red SUV, when suddenly, I looked over at her while she was turning the steering wheel left and I realized: hey, she is my friend! And all at once, my philosophies of anti-mobile youth melted away. I am so happy to be in Mississippi, so pleased that my shoes have Mississippi in their fibers, so thankful to have a new friend. Friendship is probably the best education.
Today, April 25, 2010 - Since those early days, I have found that Mississippi has not ruined me (although I’ve gone through a few pairs of shoes), but this is the place where I have grown tremendously. I’ve left behind the days when I was a self-sufficient student whose energies only paid off for myself. Today, I rely heavily on friends, mentors, community members, and even my students, sometimes, to keep me encouraged and putting all my energy into my job. Also, what I do or fail to do now affects way more people than just me. So in analogical terms, this shift is like a wardrobe turnover from bright, jejune patterns and prints and cuts to more somber, sensible, mature earth-tones in urbane cuts and combinations. Actually, my closet underwent a transition like this as the years progressed!
But returning to the topic of work, and how I've persevered through it: I admit, I’ve found that this profession comes in waves; there are times when I am extremely focused on my work, and am inputting grades and innovating mini-units left and right, alternating with stretches of weeks where I don’t grade a lick and do very little for school outside of school hours. I like the flow of push and glide. It’s a sustainable vocation. I feel that my time is well spent when I put time into making resources. I enjoy being creative and no longer get stressed out about prepping for the next day. Granted, I have students this year who seem to appreciate my efforts more than they did last year.
As I write this, I have two parent contacts I need to make hanging over my head. But it has become an exceptional case to have to make frequent parent contact. My job does not stress me out like it used to. That being said, I am still a basket case in the mornings, often. I am only pleasant after all my copies are made, the word of the day has been selected, and the chalkboard agenda is written and up. In sum, I have changed significantly as a teacher in some regards, but remain the same in others. At my school, among students and coworkers, I am seen as an energetic but uptight teacher (I think that’s a good summation of my teacher persona). Even so, I have an ease and confidence this year that I never had last year. I have a reputation, kind of. At times, the upkeep of that reputation seems arduous. But then I just have to remember, as long as I am doing my duties and allotting a fair amount of time to my students’ success (“fair” being particularly defined, with regards to what is due to them, taking into account the inequalities they have historically and already endured), I do not need to worry.
I’ve learned how to rest and recharge. I deliver much stronger content this year than last year. I still get immense pleasure out of teacher-student rapport. I am, in the words of one of my students, an “I don’t care if I embarrass myself” teacher. I feel free to be me with my students, and lessons are strewn with humor (be it lame or clever). I pride myself on having pretty good student engagement, which I witnessed two weeks ago in second period. During two of my reading response questions, one girl raised two hands and a leg in hopes of being picked on, and another girl, who is usually a comatose, indifferent participant (oxymoron!), yelled (really, yelled!), “No, no, no, wait! I’ve got it!” as she wracked her binder for the answer. My teaching style is very verbal. The sound of papers flying as students seek an answer is far more gratifying than a pristinely silent environment. I used to be so insecure about that, that I felt incompetent to hold a silent classroom, but now I feel comfortable with my teaching style.
That being said, I can still list many things I want to change about how I teach, the timing of it, the presentation of it, the assessment of it, and the management of it. That’s what next year is for. I am excited to continue life in Mississippi, because I have room to grow. I fit here, vocationally, and also socially. I can’t wait to see what next year has in store. I now regard my worn shoes as trophies and relics, and I this has not been a time that I have been itching for to pass. Rather, Mississippi has been maturing me from a child into a working adult, from a student into a teacher, from a consumer/follower into a producer/leader, from a speculating spectator into a struggling participant, from a wonderer into a praiser. I feel like I am watching my life unfold the way I hoped it would here.
April 2010: Letter to incoming first-years
Dear incoming first-years,
I can’t wait for you to experience Mississippi, what it’s like to be a responsible adult, what it’s like to prepare for the day ahead in a different way than you did when you were a student, to discover that this job can be done and that you can persevere and beat all the difficulties, to experience (if you’re like me) for the first time what it’s like to be a racial minority for the majority of your waking hours, and to start dreaming different dreams than you did before. This experience will radically change you.
As time goes on, you will find it hard to explain to those back home (if you’re not from here). And you may find that you really like this profession. Even if you don’t, you won’t be able to go back to the status quo “conveyor belt” of education in society at large; from here on out, you will be able to see that it takes some seriously anti-racist grit to push against systemic inequalities in education. I think that after teaching in the Corps, you will be inclined to push against structural injustice in education in some way. Maybe you’ll make a statement by sending your children to a public school, which will require you to play an active part in the schooling system. Maybe you’ll keep teaching past your two years. Maybe you’ll discover some parallel, auxiliary avenue to support education, such as through policy, politics or further study.
Don’t worry, a few months into your first year, you will strike a balance where your work and rest, your vocational, personal, spiritual and physical life, will balance out. This is when teaching becomes less stressful and more enjoyable. Find a few veteran teachers to support you, ones who are in their upper twenties. They will give you hope that this job can be done, plus they will encourage you and listen to your plight more attentively than a fellow MTCer stuck in the same problems. Furthermore, tap into your mentor’s resources, especially at the beginning of the year documents (syllabus, etc.).
Get involved in your community, beyond the dynamic MTC crew. Having a supportive social network will ease a lot of the stress that comes with the first year.
Try to chip away at the MTC projects before the day before they’re due. For Dr. Monroe’s 5-day lesson plan, plan something fresh you haven’t done yet (instead of recycling old stuff), because then you can turn around and implement it in October/November, which will put the wind back in your sails during a tiring stretch of the year.
Above all, I want to encourage you that you can do this. Stick with it, rely on your advocates, and find your balance where you won’t feel tired all the time. Once you get that, you will enjoy teaching and be more alert to your community and surroundings. I’m excited to see all the places you’ll go!
Your fellow Corps member,
Ms. Nelson
March 2010: Making plans: more three-dimensional than expected
There is nothing I would rather write about right now than my plans for next year. So, here goes!
Ever since freshman year of college, I have aspired to be a college professor. Rewind two years. Ever since junior year of high school, I have aspired to be a high school English teacher. While the primary aspiration is intact and sturdy as a table built by a legendary great-grandfather, my earliest hope and dream is a reality right now, and I do not feel prepared to leave high school teaching behind. Add to my love of my profession my queer love for my setting; I have a bond with Jackson that I cannot make sense of to anybody (except some Jacksonians and one family friend). The weeks are ticking down on the MTC clock watch. But beyond my vows to the program, my heart desires to stay put. Something beautiful has bloomed in this stage of life, and to sever it short just because the obligation is up would seem to be foolhardy. I keep quizzing adults in their late thirties and up, “Is it unusual to love where you live?” “Is it rare to love your job as much as I do?” I want to ensure that I am assessing my current livelihood and passions correctly. I don’t want to be lulled into loving Jackson and my job just because I find it so darn comfortable. On the other hand, I do not want to be hastily skeptical of my affinity for my vocation and lot, just because the corporate flow of middle-class life and the steadily rising undulations of America’s ever-beckoning siren’s song of success are calling me to “move on.”
I applied to three doctoral programs in sociology this year. I thought my application was pretty good, but I was afraid I would be accepted, thereby cutting short this phase of life prematurely. Oddly enough, in the intervening months between applying and hearing back, I prayed for denials. Well, I heard back from all three the week before spring break. All were variations of negatives: one wait list, one admission but MA-only, and one outright rejection. It stings, but I am actually fervently anticipating a new direction: stay in Jackson, keep on teaching, and pursue an MA in sociology at the city’s HBCU, Jackson State. I love teaching, I love Jackson, I love sociology. Too much love, if you ask me. One of the deepest desires of my heart now is to grow in understanding and to invest more in the city of Jackson. Now that door might be opening. The only phantom of doubt that remains is whether the school that wait listed me will come back with a “yes” in mid-April. And my prayers are still something like, “Please, God, don’t say my time here is up yet.”
“She’s nuts!” you’re thinking. “Every person has choices and in making them is in control of where she goes” – well, every educated young person who was born into a thick sleeping bag of opportunity (like me) can control and choose where and when she goes somewhere. “So just choose to stay in Jackson, already, if you love it so much!” you’re thinking.
There is a morsel of hesitation in my ambitions and plans for the future, though. And I think I am slowly being weaned of this influence, but I am not sure I’ll ever be entirely free of it. I don’t think my family or friends who have known me for a long time have really given their unfettered seal of approval on my plans or desire to stay down South. I also feel that the longer I stay here, the less understood I feel by my own kin and might-as-well-be-kin. I feel like I can’t explain why I love it here so much, or why I find myself feeling so at home in black culture. I feel fully alive, in that my abilities and passions and talents are utilized here. Spiritually, I have grown. Relationally, I have been blessed and stretched. Physically, I think I am stronger than I ever was in high school or college. Intellectually, being here keeps my sociological and literary mind in shape. Still though, even with all these feelings, I think one of my friends, who I know through my more recent involvement at the Perkins Foundation in West Jackson, has hit the nail on the head: often, he has observed, when young whites come down to Jackson to do some do-gooding, then conclude that they are fond of this place and can find no reason to want to leave, their parents do not take the news with a smile. More like, with a sigh. Can I withstand that ambivalence? The support that streams from family members, at least what I am used to, is wholehearted. Why has this changed? It does make me check myself when those who have had my best interest in their hearts for so long are uncertain. There is a chance that I am imagining all this pressure. Perhaps the footsteps of any twenty-something that forge forward are tread with undue second-guessing. After all, this is when we become our adult selves, is it not? Don't want to mess that up.
March 2010: Musing a Mississippi Memory
Midsummer 2009, one member of the MTC Class of 2007 got married: Kelsey Mayo. Halfway through MTC Summer School, I took a weekend off and trekked to Tallahassee, Florida with MTC-ers Molly, Anna and Eleanor, who were/still are, respectively: my personal encourager, my English mentor, and my current roommate. Personally, I was stoked to get to spend time with them. I admire each of these corps members deeply, plus they make me laugh and smile a lot. Besides the top-notch company, the trip offered the perks of a refreshing disruption of the routine, the entertaining anecdotes that a road trip instigates, two nights being spoiled in a hotel, an afternoon soaking in unrushed relaxation poolside in Florida, the opportunity to witness a beautiful and meaningful marriage, and the unbridled enjoyment of hors d'oeuvres and dances at the reception. (Wow! What a feat in parallelism that catalogue was. Are you proud, Walt Whitman? How about you, SATP test-question writer?)
My enthusiasm as a mere car passenger cannot be overstated. Ask Eleanor, and you may discover that she had to bear my idiosyncratic beaming. Did she notice me grinning for the entire duration of crossing Alabama in her rearview mirror? Whatever the case, I enjoyed the ride.
Once in Tallahassee, the hotel welcomed us. Kudos to Kelsey, who selected a top-notch, and still affordable, hotel for her wedding guests! I really loved the fact of how cheap this trip was – wedding gift included – when the expenses were split four ways. We luxuriated in its agreeable décor and took full advantage of the omelet bar both mornings. Being spoiled in a hotel is easily one of my favorite things about being alive. But staying in a hotel alone would negate it all; it’s the being with friends one loves that makes it so sweet.
Four parts of our weekend in the hotel stand out in my memory: one, when Eleanor assisted me in straightening my hair as we all got gussied up for the wedding, that was the first time my hair had ever been truly straightened. When I do my own hair, I am too impatient to let the straightener do its work. Moreover, every girl can agree that having someone else do your hair is better than a massage. (Like I said, I was being spoiled that weekend!)
During another moment of our hotel stay, the four of us were giggling and talking loudly as we exchanged the entertaining and mind-bending points of our lives. Kelsey herself, the busy bride, ducked in our room and said hello briefly. The four of us resumed our social night in the room; we got two courtesy phone calls that night, with love from our disgruntled neighbors, telling us to pipe down. We didn’t really listen.
The day of Kelsey’s wedding, JAME (Jen, Anna, Molly, Eleanor) spent three hours tanning and enjoying the hotel pool. This was not a brainless time, however. Molly and I threw sociological insights and jargon back and forth with as much pleasure as we would if we were throwing beach balls. We discussed faith and race, in particular. As usual, when talking to Molly, I felt my mind being activated as if I were reading a book. So effortless and invigorating was our conversation!
That second eve, one of the four of us composed a lengthy letter to a significant other. I don’t think I am at liberty to disclose who that was. Needless to say, it was a high-quality composition, as it contained input from four (in my opinion) brilliant minds.
The drive back to Mississippi was less memorable, somehow. Maybe it was like a watercolor effect; when receding from a memorable time, the senses become less heightened as they download and process what they just experienced. The shift back into life in Holly Springs resumed as smoothly as a seasoned manual transmission the following Monday.
Jan. 2010: Reaction blog: NYT article on minorities and poverty in southern schools
My first reaction to this article, as a former sociology major, is to think the journalist is forcing some kind of paradigm shift to say: “it’s not white flight anymore that’s the problem; now, it’s poor minorities’ high, uncontrolled birth rates.” Sounds rather like a next-generation Daniel Patrick Moynihan paradigm to me. My second reaction is to ask, “Why are blacks returning to the South?” This social trend will likely quickly reverse itself once this region’s generation of “educationally deprived” children grows up and finds themselves either ill-equipped to participate in the economy, or will find a decrepit economy which is ill-equipped to reward their work.
To address the e’er-disconcerting conundrum of how to address “educational deprivation” of minority and low-income students, I think the districts in LA that are “experimenting with ways to attract more experienced teachers to high-risk schools” is the key. If students who get less education at home than their white, middle class counterparts, are fully surrounded by high-quality teachers at their schools, year in and year out, then I am confident that the deprivation will close itself. If a teacher can love a student like a parent does (which is expressed by that teacher’s devotion to equipping the student with what he needs to “make it”), then that is the best bet on relieving the home/parent factor, which creates the educational disparity between classes.
On a personal note, the article also strengthened my convictions and hope to return to Mississippi in the future to settle here and contribute the intellectual and social capital I have been unfairly fortunate to have received through my upbringing in Colorado. I aspire to be a professor at a public college here. However, I do wonder if contributing my resources at a pre-college level (high school) would do more to alleviate the South’s so-called “desperat[ion] for a well-educated work force that can attract economic development.” This article has me wondering, how do I reconcile the pull to live in a more economically and educationally “bountiful,” promising land (i.e., New York, Chicago), and the clear need that is here in Mississippi? More and more I feel that this is where I belong. How do I ensure that my motives for putting down roots here and pouring my love for education into this place in particular are good, i.e., not conceited or based on a mere fascination with being in another culture or on a pseudo-radicalist, self-glorifying “mission” to flee my own race and the overabundance of resources we have? I am struggling with something that should work itself out like an easy addition problem!
Jan. 2010: Reaction blog: What makes a great teacher
I find educational research exciting, especially when it is presented as straight-forwardly as it is in this Atlantic article. The writer uses memorable terminology – such as “urban ecosystems” (referring to the backdrop of crime and poverty in students’ communities) and “compound effects” (referring to how a good or bad teacher can multiply gains or losses on their students’ behalves in a stunningly quick fashion and on a stunningly large scale). These two terms, when juxtaposed within the context of this article, convince me that the “within-school stratification” camp wins out over the “between-school stratification” camp in accounting for significantly different student outcomes. In other words, the teachers a kid winds up with in any particular school is more significant of a factor towards his success or failure than whether he attends the public school with the best rep in town, or the one everyone snickers at (perhaps this applies also with public vs. private schools).
I am thrilled that the platform for talking about education in Washington has shifted and is now less about NCLB and more about identifying, seeking out and holding onto effective teachers. The thought of linking teachers’ pay to how much their students’ test scores go up, though, makes my stomach turn. Could that possibly transmute the student-teacher relationship into something unhealthy, turning education into a far less human endeavor? It would make me nerve-wracked as a teacher. But I guess the reform will serve mostly to get rid of teachers who are not doing this. If a teacher is, the bars being set are intended to keep those ones safe. So I guess there would be nothing to worry about.
How good teachers ought to be measured is by whether they can take an unengaged, non-participating student, and turn him into one who looks forward to class, flips through his notes voluntarily to find the answer, and begins to study of his own accord. Basically, a good teacher can be identified by his/her ability to turn apathetic students into ones interested in their own success – such as was the case with Mr. Taylor’s students, one of whom was “unable to contain herself” when writing her answer on her orange card. Now, how to operationalize that is the problem. Indeed, we do need a “good, solid measuring stick” to “bushwhack” our way out of the confluence of variables that make it hard to tell what makes a teacher have phenomenal student achievement results.
What MTC should look for in an applicant is extracurricular engagement (that sounds more human than “accomplishment”), clues that they’re innovative and creative and dissatisfied with merely meeting minimum requirements, and clues that they get enormous satisfaction out of meeting long-term goals. To locate these traits in candidates, talking to an applicant’s manager could be helpful, and asking, “On a regular basis, does Joe just meet your expectations, or find new ways to go above and beyond?” How Joe behaves at one job will likely predict how he will behave as an employee of a public school district. Or, asking in the interview, “What is one major goal you have set for yourself that you have achieved? How did you get there?” or alternatively, “What is something that you have vastly improved on in recent years, and why was it important to you that you change this?”
To determine which factors are important in creating or identifying a top-rate teacher, using Mr. Taylor as a case study is illuminating. First, I believe Mr. Taylor’s method of showing students alternate ways to reach the same answer is KEY in boosting overall student achievement. This I want to start implementing. Second, the way he rotates student leadership and creates pockets of close-knit student communities could be enormously helpful in spurring peer tutoring during in-class hours. Third, class participation should be vibrant and ample. I loved the line in the article, “You know you’re in a good classroom if you have to stop yourself from raising your hand.” Furthermore about participation, I was thrilled to see that Mr. Taylor uses “equity sticks” during guided practice – a method Ann taught us and that I use now as well (drawing names at random to solicit student participation). Forth, just as Joe Sweeney’s story goes about how his students ran class for him when he had a sub, Mr. Taylor’s students ran his routine almost without him. This is an area where I believe I am doing OK as a teacher. The first 30 minutes of class, I could not say much of anything. (Sometimes I wonder if this routine is a good thing or a bad, though; what if they stop thinking because it’s all so predictable?) Fifth and finally, an essential factor for student outcomes is for the teacher to realize the value of a no-complaining teaching ethos. A downcast outlook on students’ status in the social strata will do nothing to help them succeed.
Conversely, according to the article, it is not important that teachers have experience working in a poor area, or that they are veteran teachers. It isn’t even important that they have an aptitude for reflection. It also doesn’t matter if a teacher has a Master’s Degree, or had straight A’s throughout college. What matters is a history of perseverance, improvement, grit and zest for life. On an interesting note, during the part of the article that explained TFA’s 5-minute teaching portion of the application process, it was determined that it is not-so-important what the teacher does, what evaluators look for is what the kids are doing, acquiring, honing in that precious five minutes.
This article inspired me to press on in my second year with grit, to stop blaming poor student performance on external factors (i.e., parents or neighborhood effects), to start instilling zeal in more of my students (especially those who I overlook), and to explode willingly routines or approaches in my classroom that are not working.
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