December 11: today was an early-release snow day...what a treat! Who can help but smile when you get off work at 1 instead of 3:30...and get to skip your worst class? I bought a gas-station french vanilla cappuccino from the Shell across the street to celebrate.
At lunch today, one of my strongest students said, "Your class is the easiest. We basically just read and that's all." Now, if that wasn't like cold water seeping through one's sock and shoe on a dreary, rainy morning. I hated hearing that. That was bad news! I envy the other first year at my school whose class is so challenging. I want my students to think my class is hard, too. But, I guess if I look at my grades, it seems that it is "hard" - I think I have less than 10 students getting A's or B's.But the goal shouldn't be to exasperate our students, should it? To prevent them from excelling?
Another comment from a student took the chill off. At the bottom of the day's vocabulary quiz, my student L.M. scribbled: "note for Ms. Nelson." She wrote: Ms. Nelson, thanks for being a great teacher. Love you." Ahh! that made me jump up and down inside. Maybe if there weren't the possibility that anyone could pass by my door and see me "actin' a fool" (as they say in the South), I would really jump for joy.
So, today was a good day. It was like an icepick that cracked up and broke through the block of apathy and sleepiness that had fallen over me the past few evenings.
Aside: One thing I really like about working at a school and being a teacher is that it gives me "homework." Each day brings something or another that's due. I like being surrounded with structure. I thrive on structure, sink on freedom. What I am saying is, I find satisfaction - and thus, real freedom - in structured days, knowing exactly what is expected of me, and being required to keep active. I like that this job keeps me studying and creating and thinking and working.
Maybe another reason why I feel so recharged tonight is that I did my parent phone calls to failing students tonight, from 2-6 p.m. Oh, it feels good to have those done!
Sometimes I wish I had more written reflections like to look back on, as a running account of these times in Jackson. I wish I were a more disciplined writer. I love to write, so why don't I do more of it? Why do I tend toward not doing anything when I finally have free time??
Okay, now I finally arrive at the last thing that I promised in my title: One observation. I think good students here are ruined by bad cohorts. Such as N.T., in my 8th period class. He is bright and determined, but his peers drag him down and make him fail. Same with many boys in my 1st period class. I told their mothers so. The dilemma of public schools like these: even is kids DO have most resources: apt teachers, plenty of books, computers and Internet access at home, parents who push their kids and make them fear/dread failure ... even with all this in place, their peers tear them down. They distract each other to smithereens, and make draining the teacher's energy the cool thing to do. (Esp. in my 8th block, they divert all the energy and attention away from the attention-worthy kids. Oh! how I will regret later never getting to let D.H.'s and A.C.'s lights shine for their classmates to see.) These goofballs entertain each other with petty, immature, unoriginal and tiresome charades. What of pleasure derived from developing one's own abilities?
One last thought (a eureka, perhaps): after a referral-induced parent conference yesterday during my planning block, I realized that my assistant principal's solution to the student's behavior was wise: to require this conference before he could return to class instead of suspension. I am glad K.S. won't be missing class - he truly cannot afford it. I grit my teeth as I say this, because I only half-mean it. Besides frustrating un-saids, I learned yesterday that he is repeating 10th grade. Anyways, as I was running this morning (like a lunatic, I admit; a car honked at me, probably out of peer shock that someone would be fanatical enough to face drenched sidewalks and chilly, heavy rain instead of just take a day off running), I realized for the first time that I need to nurture K.S. I need to stop trying to thwart him, stop labeling him. It's time for me to help him succeed. Sadly, as I recall all this, it's not coming out as clear as it did when I was mulling it over then. I was absolutely and resolutely convinced to see his success. Maybe evening thinking is less clear than morning thinking. One thing I have discovered about myself these months of the first semester is that I can only read well in the early morning; I can't focus well at night.
At lunch today, one of my strongest students said, "Your class is the easiest. We basically just read and that's all." Now, if that wasn't like cold water seeping through one's sock and shoe on a dreary, rainy morning. I hated hearing that. That was bad news! I envy the other first year at my school whose class is so challenging. I want my students to think my class is hard, too. But, I guess if I look at my grades, it seems that it is "hard" - I think I have less than 10 students getting A's or B's.But the goal shouldn't be to exasperate our students, should it? To prevent them from excelling?
Another comment from a student took the chill off. At the bottom of the day's vocabulary quiz, my student L.M. scribbled: "note for Ms. Nelson." She wrote: Ms. Nelson, thanks for being a great teacher. Love you." Ahh! that made me jump up and down inside. Maybe if there weren't the possibility that anyone could pass by my door and see me "actin' a fool" (as they say in the South), I would really jump for joy.
So, today was a good day. It was like an icepick that cracked up and broke through the block of apathy and sleepiness that had fallen over me the past few evenings.
Aside: One thing I really like about working at a school and being a teacher is that it gives me "homework." Each day brings something or another that's due. I like being surrounded with structure. I thrive on structure, sink on freedom. What I am saying is, I find satisfaction - and thus, real freedom - in structured days, knowing exactly what is expected of me, and being required to keep active. I like that this job keeps me studying and creating and thinking and working.
Maybe another reason why I feel so recharged tonight is that I did my parent phone calls to failing students tonight, from 2-6 p.m. Oh, it feels good to have those done!
Sometimes I wish I had more written reflections like to look back on, as a running account of these times in Jackson. I wish I were a more disciplined writer. I love to write, so why don't I do more of it? Why do I tend toward not doing anything when I finally have free time??
Okay, now I finally arrive at the last thing that I promised in my title: One observation. I think good students here are ruined by bad cohorts. Such as N.T., in my 8th period class. He is bright and determined, but his peers drag him down and make him fail. Same with many boys in my 1st period class. I told their mothers so. The dilemma of public schools like these: even is kids DO have most resources: apt teachers, plenty of books, computers and Internet access at home, parents who push their kids and make them fear/dread failure ... even with all this in place, their peers tear them down. They distract each other to smithereens, and make draining the teacher's energy the cool thing to do. (Esp. in my 8th block, they divert all the energy and attention away from the attention-worthy kids. Oh! how I will regret later never getting to let D.H.'s and A.C.'s lights shine for their classmates to see.) These goofballs entertain each other with petty, immature, unoriginal and tiresome charades. What of pleasure derived from developing one's own abilities?
One last thought (a eureka, perhaps): after a referral-induced parent conference yesterday during my planning block, I realized that my assistant principal's solution to the student's behavior was wise: to require this conference before he could return to class instead of suspension. I am glad K.S. won't be missing class - he truly cannot afford it. I grit my teeth as I say this, because I only half-mean it. Besides frustrating un-saids, I learned yesterday that he is repeating 10th grade. Anyways, as I was running this morning (like a lunatic, I admit; a car honked at me, probably out of peer shock that someone would be fanatical enough to face drenched sidewalks and chilly, heavy rain instead of just take a day off running), I realized for the first time that I need to nurture K.S. I need to stop trying to thwart him, stop labeling him. It's time for me to help him succeed. Sadly, as I recall all this, it's not coming out as clear as it did when I was mulling it over then. I was absolutely and resolutely convinced to see his success. Maybe evening thinking is less clear than morning thinking. One thing I have discovered about myself these months of the first semester is that I can only read well in the early morning; I can't focus well at night.
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