Thursday, July 24
On Tuesday, I/we (my co-teachers and I) failed one of our thirteen students. The numbers determined this outcome, but we wrestled with the fact of it emotionally and logically anyway. This student's failure was no shock, given his low cumulative score all summer long. But, when I think about the fact that the boy who sat next to him was also failing at the midpoint of summer school, and actually lagged behind him by three percentage points earlier on, I can't help but feel a chill of remorse, pain or regret that the summer ended with no turn-around for this kid.
Our failing student, we will call him Joshua, actually had his shining moments. He would smile, perk up, and be eager to say the answer on some days. But his homework average and test average were pretty consistently abysmal: a 20% on homework and a 66% on tests. A teacher can and should help a struggling student. But there are some things s/he can't do: the teacher cannot do the student's homework for him/her. What wrenches my gut is the fine, fine line separating these two boys, the one who failed and the one who passed. I am not entirely convinced that the one who passed was any more deserving than "Joshua;" he simply came in more days for tutoring and his mother was very, very adamant and called almost daily to assure his progress. When it boils down to it, the student who escaped failing by the skin of his teeth simply had more parental surveillance and came to tutoring five more days than the failing student.
When I called Joshua's mom to be the bearer of bad tidings, I was anxious that she would contest me and defend her child. Of course she would; wouldn't any parent be defensive? And what would I say? But she didn't pull that card at all. rather, her voice became heavy with disappointment. Silence hung between us on the phone line. "So he failed summer school...isn't that something?" she said. And then, "I understand." Truly, that was about it.
I am definitely unsure about how I will cope with having to fail a lot of students in these coming years. From what I gather, it's a regular and inevitable occurrence. And, I am also sure students' and parents' reactions won't be so "smooth" as they were this time. I also get disturbed when I think about the ripple effects failing a child will have. Will it make him or her see him/herself as a failure? Will it add momentum in their cycle of failure? I can only imagine that the experience of failure must be excruciating for a person. I'm sure some would say, no, they're used to it. But I can only sense that failing a subject in school is painful. How can there not be suffering involved? It affects how a child sees himself, his peers see him (if he's in a younger class), and possibly how his parents treat him. Also, I would imagine that it introduces a distrustful or antagonistic dynamic to future student-teacher relationships (that is, how the student thenceforth sees his teachers- destined to fail him).
Surely, failure on a report card it is the proper consequence following from not doing one's work and not meeting a pre-set standard. On the other hand, Reggie Barnes' exclamation of "You can’t assume!" rings in my head, and makes me reconsider such a simple cause-effect rationalization as this. What if these students really have something inhibiting them from doing homework, and I just never know about it? How far do I need to go to help a student; does my responsibility end? Not that I want it to. I just don't know where that mark is. I cannot sit with two out of every 13 students and go through the whole homework step by step with them...can I?
Sometimes, I think I care more about students' grades than they do. But I also cannot tweak numbers to say what I wish they'd say. School really is an economy of getting what you earn. Is that really true - is it really such a "to each his own" system? Isn't there room for collective responsibility and uplift? Does it all fall on one teacher? My dream would be to institute a peer-tutoring system in my future classroom, because I already know there will be tutoring needs, and I suspect that a majority of the kids who need tutoring won't come and get it even if it's offered (unless hey have parents like the boy who passed in my class does).
When it comes to grades, I think there is a lot of ethics and wisdom required of the teacher, which I do not yet have. I want to get older and wiser. In this area I can feel my "immaturity" as a teacher the most. This is a topic I will be sure to pick my colleagues' brains on. What are their philosophies? Have their hearts becomes hardened to this micro-tragedy of each failing student, since it's so commonplace and, as I said before, inevitable? Or, are they pushovers, who do a disservice by passing a student who really doesn't get it, and who will be stuck with sub-par skills for many, many years, perhaps even the rest of her life, because one teacher put an premature end to the laborious task of learning? I can think of no greater disservice than robbing a teenager of the ability to write and read for pleasure and self-discovery/growth. I don't care if that sounds disgustingly corny, because I believe it's true. Not to mention that low literacy skills can't be good for a person's dignity. It feels so good to succeed and to be able - if eventual success comes at the cost of initial failure, I am much more for that.
But still, this sting of failing a student remains. Maybe it's just an aging process that a teacher gets seasoned to as s/he matures.
On Tuesday, I/we (my co-teachers and I) failed one of our thirteen students. The numbers determined this outcome, but we wrestled with the fact of it emotionally and logically anyway. This student's failure was no shock, given his low cumulative score all summer long. But, when I think about the fact that the boy who sat next to him was also failing at the midpoint of summer school, and actually lagged behind him by three percentage points earlier on, I can't help but feel a chill of remorse, pain or regret that the summer ended with no turn-around for this kid.
Our failing student, we will call him Joshua, actually had his shining moments. He would smile, perk up, and be eager to say the answer on some days. But his homework average and test average were pretty consistently abysmal: a 20% on homework and a 66% on tests. A teacher can and should help a struggling student. But there are some things s/he can't do: the teacher cannot do the student's homework for him/her. What wrenches my gut is the fine, fine line separating these two boys, the one who failed and the one who passed. I am not entirely convinced that the one who passed was any more deserving than "Joshua;" he simply came in more days for tutoring and his mother was very, very adamant and called almost daily to assure his progress. When it boils down to it, the student who escaped failing by the skin of his teeth simply had more parental surveillance and came to tutoring five more days than the failing student.
When I called Joshua's mom to be the bearer of bad tidings, I was anxious that she would contest me and defend her child. Of course she would; wouldn't any parent be defensive? And what would I say? But she didn't pull that card at all. rather, her voice became heavy with disappointment. Silence hung between us on the phone line. "So he failed summer school...isn't that something?" she said. And then, "I understand." Truly, that was about it.
I am definitely unsure about how I will cope with having to fail a lot of students in these coming years. From what I gather, it's a regular and inevitable occurrence. And, I am also sure students' and parents' reactions won't be so "smooth" as they were this time. I also get disturbed when I think about the ripple effects failing a child will have. Will it make him or her see him/herself as a failure? Will it add momentum in their cycle of failure? I can only imagine that the experience of failure must be excruciating for a person. I'm sure some would say, no, they're used to it. But I can only sense that failing a subject in school is painful. How can there not be suffering involved? It affects how a child sees himself, his peers see him (if he's in a younger class), and possibly how his parents treat him. Also, I would imagine that it introduces a distrustful or antagonistic dynamic to future student-teacher relationships (that is, how the student thenceforth sees his teachers- destined to fail him).
Surely, failure on a report card it is the proper consequence following from not doing one's work and not meeting a pre-set standard. On the other hand, Reggie Barnes' exclamation of "You can’t assume!" rings in my head, and makes me reconsider such a simple cause-effect rationalization as this. What if these students really have something inhibiting them from doing homework, and I just never know about it? How far do I need to go to help a student; does my responsibility end? Not that I want it to. I just don't know where that mark is. I cannot sit with two out of every 13 students and go through the whole homework step by step with them...can I?
Sometimes, I think I care more about students' grades than they do. But I also cannot tweak numbers to say what I wish they'd say. School really is an economy of getting what you earn. Is that really true - is it really such a "to each his own" system? Isn't there room for collective responsibility and uplift? Does it all fall on one teacher? My dream would be to institute a peer-tutoring system in my future classroom, because I already know there will be tutoring needs, and I suspect that a majority of the kids who need tutoring won't come and get it even if it's offered (unless hey have parents like the boy who passed in my class does).
When it comes to grades, I think there is a lot of ethics and wisdom required of the teacher, which I do not yet have. I want to get older and wiser. In this area I can feel my "immaturity" as a teacher the most. This is a topic I will be sure to pick my colleagues' brains on. What are their philosophies? Have their hearts becomes hardened to this micro-tragedy of each failing student, since it's so commonplace and, as I said before, inevitable? Or, are they pushovers, who do a disservice by passing a student who really doesn't get it, and who will be stuck with sub-par skills for many, many years, perhaps even the rest of her life, because one teacher put an premature end to the laborious task of learning? I can think of no greater disservice than robbing a teenager of the ability to write and read for pleasure and self-discovery/growth. I don't care if that sounds disgustingly corny, because I believe it's true. Not to mention that low literacy skills can't be good for a person's dignity. It feels so good to succeed and to be able - if eventual success comes at the cost of initial failure, I am much more for that.
But still, this sting of failing a student remains. Maybe it's just an aging process that a teacher gets seasoned to as s/he matures.
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